How your parents loved you as a child, and each other (or didn’t) still impacts your love life. Here is how.

parental-loveWe learn about love and relationship from our parents, or guardians – first and foremost. The patterns we pick at that early age are often repeated and re-lived throughout our adult life. If we saw our parents not loving each other, treating each other badly, we will learn that is love.

Of course, an even bigger part in this equation is how they loved us – did they show us love, did they treat us like we are worthy of love just as we are. Most parents did not, and many do not today – even though that is changing. But for most of us who are grown ups today, we learned we need to deserve love by behaving a certain way, and we learned we aren’t good enough just as we are.

Here is a video that explains how these patterns and legacy influence our love life, relationships in general, and the partners we attract and date.



Tell me your story, what do you think was the lesson you got from your parents?
Do you know how that influences your love life today?

Thank you for sharing, as always – very much appreciated.

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2 Responses

  1. Erika says:

    Great video Petra 🙂 It was a good reminder to learn from the past so we don’t keep making the same mistakes in the future.
    Two things came to mind when watching this video. Firstly, I grew up surrounded by relationships – parents, other family members, friends’ parents – which were mostly unhappy. Lots of arguing, infidelity, divorce, alcoholism, and just general unhappiness. Although my parents are still together and are one of the ‘happier’ couples I know, seeing all these unhappy marriages as a child has meant that as an adult I have been far too tolerant of unhappiness and bad behaviour in my own relationships and often stayed too long because I thought it was ‘normal’. Thankfully, I have mostly gotten over this false belief now.
    Secondly, my main care giver was my mother, who was very cold and controlling when I was growing up (I know she picked this up from her father – it really does run in the family!!). I always was desperate to win her love and approval, but she only gave it rarely. As an adult, I’ve found myself attracted to cold, distant and controlling men, probably because this is the ‘love’ dynamic I was most used to growing up. Despite being female, I’ve always chased those aloof men I’ve liked, and been suspicious of those nice guys who have been interested in me first of all. Unsurprisingly, this has led to a few very unbalanced relationships, where I have made a lot of the effort and got very little love and attention in return! I’m 30 now and feel that I have more understanding of my patterns so I can fight against them. However, we do need to keep reminding ourselves of our weaknesses so we don’t continue that pattern without realising it; recently I met someone who fits the cold, distant archetype that I’m drawn to, and your video was a necessary reminder to be careful.
    Also, I like your tip about only raising expectations of someone once you have gotten to know them and what they are capable of giving. This sounds like a great way to see people as who they are initially, until you have proof of what you can realistically expect from them.
    Thanks for the great video, looking forward to the next one!

  2. CJ says:

    My dad was born in March , my mom in April – totally wrong combo.
    Dad was a self educated man, he kept growing intellectually even in his last yrs, my mom was a domestic with 6 elementary schools,and a lady’s hat maker trade. But she well kept herself in a society of constant changes.
    This was in the late 40’s in Europe.
    I was the only child, a son.I would not say they did not love me – God gave me many talents, music, arts, , yet ended up in the technical field.Could have become a famous musician or illustrator.
    Now I am poor and lonesome.And guess what, nobody gives a hoot.
    Witnessed thousands of family fights, which ended in long , silent weeks of non talking
    Parents MUST recognize their childrens God given talents.
    I never got married, mostly I miss to be a grandpa.
    Steadily looking for a girlfriend,unfortunately I like younger woman – I seek for a loving partner who does not hate sex, Todays wordl is very brutal and cold for guys like me.
    Good subject.Petra.

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