Some beliefs are too bad to be true

beliefs
What we believe in, becomes our reality. I know this is still a very “new-age” concept, hard to fully understand even for those people who accept it as true. And yes, you can find a lot of examples that will contradict it.

A child that gets sick with leukemia clearly didn’t get it because he believed he’ll get it. But life is one complex thing, and beliefs are not the only thing that affects our reality.

We humans still have many secrets to life and living to uncover. We don’t know why someone is born into rags, and someone else to riches, why someone lives to be healthy at 100, and someone else dies in an earthquake as a young person.

I am not going to try to answer those questions. The bigger picture of someone’s life and destiny can only be understood from a much higher viewpoint of life on Earth, not from what we normally see as fair or unfair.

Yes, many things are unfair from where me or you stand. But is it really so? We don’t have those answers (yet). So let’s leave it be for now.

Let’s go back to beliefs instead.

Let’s talk about those really toxic, negative, limiting beliefs that dampen and block your love “mojo”. They are the first step, the first answer to why your experiences in love are so unsatisfying.

They may not be the whole answer, but they are a big part of it. If you pay attention to them, you will be able to change a lot of things in your life for the better.

Most beliefs that affect our love life fall into two categories: those about ourselves, and those about other people.

The self-beliefs usually come in the form of “I am…” or “I am too…” (old, unattractive, boring, not good enough, complicated, different, demanding…) – and their purpose is always to make you feel inadequate and incapable of finding love. They tell you why you don’t deserve or can’t have what you want.

The beliefs about others are those that say “All men/women are…”, “There is not enough choice”, “Everyone is afraid of commitment nowadays” etc. They often come in a form of generalisations that start with always/everyone/everything or nobody/nothing/never.

They also point to reasons why you can’t have what you want, but put those reasons outside of you. Other people, life, the world order or circumstances are responsible for what’s happening to you.

Both types of beliefs make you feel unloveable and powerless to change your life. They really do you no good.

I can already hear you saying: “But they are true, aren’t they? I can’t do anything about those things because they are simply – the truth!”

No. They aren’t.

No matter how hard we try to be objective in our views on reality, we never are. There’s no such thing as being objective, because everything we see and experience, we process through a lens of our own views, values, labels, judgements, preferences and tastes. We are all subjective and the only objective beliefs we hold are those we share with EVERYBODY on the planet. They are the undeniable facts. Everything else is opinions.

We know how many different opinions exist even about things we can all observe in a pretty similar way like for example – food. Or music. If I say: seafood is yummy, there will be a number of people who will say the opposite, and truly believe it to be true. If you say: rock music is boring, I will absolutely disagree with you. And I mean it.

Neither of us is right or wrong. We just have a different interpretation of reality. There is no absolute truth when it comes to how we perceive things. Each of us has their own truth.

And it’s absolutely the same with every aspect of our lives, including love, dating and relationships.

If you ask two people how hard it is to find a loving relationship, you will get two different answers – both based on their own personal experience. Which one is true? Neither. But each one is true to the person saying it.

Our truth – which is the same as our beliefs – is based on what we experienced in the past, or seen around us, heard from other people. The ones we trust to know what they are talking about. We might have picked them up in childhood. Formed through teenage experiences, or later. Based them on our culture, environment and living conditions.

Our beliefs are really nothing more but a collection of things that happened, and the way we processed them at the time. Sometimes we go back to those experiences and re-process them. Sometimes we bury them deep inside of our psyche, and we don’t even know they are still there. But they still very much affect our life.

Often times, we can access them if we try hard enough. We can become aware of our beliefs if we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings.

This “truth”, your beliefs, is not fixed. It can change, and it changes over the course of your lifetime. As you grow up, your views on life change. Even your tastes change.

I couldn’t bring myself to eat seafood when I was young, now I love it. Did its taste change? No, I acquired the taste for it. My “truth” about the taste of seafood changed.

And about many other things in life.

My beliefs keep changing, my truth keeps evolving. Why? Because I want to be as happy as I can in this life. So I keep digging deep and hard to uncover and heal every broken part of me that stands in the way.

And old beliefs are often the guardians of those broken pieces. They stand in the way of us being truly authentic, being whole.

You can change your truth too. Sometimes it happens spontaneously, but other times you need to give it a little push. Those areas of your life where you constantly experience issues and challenges – they are the ones where you hold beliefs that are the most negative and damaging.

All your worldviews can be changed. That is, if you want them to. Some, obviously – you feel strongly about, and they do you no harm. Leave them be then.

But some just wreck havoc and mess up with your life. Those are the ones you need to look at, and let go.

How to do this?

First, you have to believe that by changing your belief about something your reality CAN change.

You don’t have to believe it WILL change, not for now. You will get there once you see results – until you do, it’s hard to be completely convinced.

But, you have to open yourself to the possibility, for this whole exercise to work.

Second, you have to detect the beliefs that are working against you. They may sound like the absolute truth today – but trust me, they are not.

Whatever belief is making you unhappy, has to go. And can go – there is no reason for you to hold on to it.

What good does it do to you? What do you have from having this belief?

Why should you hold on to it, if the only thing it does is making you feel miserable and powerless to change your life?

Just imagine, for a second – that any, absolutely any belief you have about “how things are” is just a matter of perspective. And the first step (not necessarily the only one, but the first) towards having a different life is changing that perspective.

I believed it’s hard to find men that will be a good match to me. Next to impossible. I believed in it so strongly, that for years – I couldn’t find ONE man that is a good match for me. Not one that stuck around. It was just not happening.

At some point I couldn’t take it any more. I thought to myself: I am just really fed up with feeling this way. I tried everything. EVERYTHING. What am I missing?

Well, there was one thing I hadn’t tried. Thinking differently about it. So, instead of looking everywhere for that man that according to my belief, didn’t exist, I decided to change my belief.

What if instead of believing it’s impossible to find a good match, I believed those matches are simply – rare? They exist, but they are not everywhere around me.

Still not the best belief to have, but much closer to reality. And just that small difference was a game changer.

I added something else to that belief, a positive one that said: they might be rare, but you only need ONE. That can’t be that hard to find.

I found him in a few months time.

That’s the power of beliefs.

I know, it’s not always that easy. And it wasn’t that easy for me either. There was a ton of other things (read: shit) I had to work through before that final stroke of genius happened.

But beliefs were a big part of it all, if not the biggest. If you have to start somewhere, start with them.

It may not be the only thing you’ll have to change, but it’s a very good place to start. Very efficient. Very powerful. Very liberating.

And if you don’t know how – I am right here, I can help. Get in touch.

More on beliefs and how they affect our reality – watch this webinar.

LET’S HEAR FROM YOU

What belief is, in your opinion, the one that holds you back the most when it comes to love?

Have you ever changed a belief about yourself or your environment? How did that impact your life?

Thank you for sharing and baring yourself here. Much appreciated.

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4 Responses

  1. Ron Hollar says:

    No one wishes more than me. But, I’m not as attractive as you. I’m older. For over 15 years I’ve looked for a partner; still alone. I hav older women friends in school, but never went to a dance or prom. Went to work in the fields when I was 14. Only thing I know. But, such is life. Not everyone gets to win.
    Ron

    • Petra says:

      It’s not about being attractive. That is exactly the type of belief that’s standing in your way – if only attractive people could find partners this world would be a very sad place and probably everyone but a few percent of humanity would ever have a partner. I don’t want to simplify your situation and I don’t know it well enough – but if you are unhappy with where you are, let’s talk. Let’s see what is really the problem for you. Take care.

  2. Linda says:

    I used to go out with much older men because I believe they are safer. But I was also believing that I’m not good enough for someone my own age or younger. Then the universe sent me younger men. I believe that they are with me for the experience before going off with younger women. So I sent them packing before they can hurt me. Crazy beliefs! Now I know better but am still alone….

  3. Lynne Quintana says:

    We must be able to change our negative debilitating beliefs in order to make our life better considering that these beliefs are anchored on circumstances in our past or present which may not be necessarily true. If one is able to accomplish this, it will be truly rewarding!!!

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