First date! Oh my.

First dates, don’t we love them. The awkwardness, the nervousness, the anxiety. What’s supposed to be a fun and engaging way of meeting new people often feels more like a dreaded necessary evil.

How to be better at those first dates, and let your real self shine more – as well as stop being so worried about the outcome, and what on earth will they think of you:



Tell me your best first date tips. What works, what doesn’t?

What is that one thing that resonated most with you in this video?

Thank you for sharing and commenting!

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11 Responses

  1. Lesley Graham says:

    I think this is good advice. I have been following your blog for some time now and have taken on some of your views. Firstly, online dating…I have dated an older man than I would normally do. Also a man who seemed a nice person, but I was not attracted to his picture. I met him for our fist date on Sunday. I had zero expectations as I didn’t find his picture particularly alluring!! I looked on it as a confidence building exercise for myself. I didn’t feel nervous. When I met him, I was surprised. He was much nicer in the flesh, than I expected. I was completely relaxed when I arrived, as I didn’t feel he was going to be some hunk that was out of my league!! I came across as intelligent… (rather than blank when I’m nervous). We talked easily for hours. Although I’m not sure if I like him romantically, I really enjoyed my date with him and would definitely see him again! To gain a friend is a big bonus… Let’s see what happens. I would never have gone to meet him and cast him aside, if I hadn’t read your blogs!
    Thank you Petra. 😃

  2. Since I haven’t been on a date since 2/2005..I fear first dates.I guess because times and dating has changed from 11yrs ago,I’m not sure of what to expect.Since I’m 35yrs old, I need a crash course on dating😒😀

    • Petra says:

      Well, I would say things have changed very much since 10 years ago, there was no social media then and online dating was still just starting. You might need a refresher 🙂 How come you haven’t been dating so long? if you’d like to talk about this in private get in touch.

      • I haven’t been asked on a date and once or twice I’ve actually had asked guys to hang out and I’ve gotten declined or they automatically assumed I meant hangout in a hotel or bedroom.And that’s not where I’m trying to go.

  3. Luci says:

    Hi Petra thanks for this video. I like your advice about second dates. It sounds so stupid but I have ignored my gut and given too many people second chances in that situation when I knew deep down that it was unlikely it would end up going anywhere. I also like your advice about red flags. I have ignored those a couple of times and it just ends up feeling like I’ve wasted my time.
    It has unfortunately made me feel like any time I meet someone it could drag out into a big long series of unenjoyable dates that I can’t get myself out of. It really puts me off even wanting to reply to a message on online dating, it just feels yucky. Can you please give some advice for how to make sure this doesnt happen, like how to know, and how to reject someone nicely?
    Also, do you have any advice about how to stay motivated with online dating? I try to get into it and Ive been on quite a lot of dates in the last 5 years but i find it exhausting and lately I just think about how basically everyone else in my life who has a partner (which is nearly everyone) didn’t have to go through this enormous effort of going on loads of unsuitable dates for years and years and years, they all just seem to have magically found people in their everyday lives. and so I just want give up on online dating and hope that it will happen to me like that but it just never does. And I don’t really want to give up but but I don’t know how to keep going so any advice would be appreciated.

    For anyone who is feeling down about being single for ages/forever I recently read a book called “It’s Not You – 27 (wrong) reasons you’re single” which has changed my thinking about my situation quite a lot (I’m 30 and have only been in one (crappy and very very short) relationship). Since reading it I have started to feel more hopeful, and started to see that having a nearly empty ‘relationship CV’ isn’t necessarily all bad and actually there are some positive sides to it too.

    • Lesley Graham says:

      Hi Luci. I know what you mean when you you’re frustrated with years of online dating battles, and your friends seem to magically find people in their everyday lives. I have often felt down about how easily partners appear in friends lives, but not mine!! Please don’t give up. Love yourself and look at what’s good in your life. A relationship does not necessarily bring happiness. I’m 48 and single for nearly 5 years. Like you I’ve started to see the joy in what I have. I will keep looking, but my life and happiness comes first. I hope you find what your looking for! 😃

    • Petra says:

      I think you can always something along the lines of: I don’t feel our relationship is progressing/I am not feeling we have enough in common/I feel we are not the right match for each other… You can be polite and direct too, just say no. It’s OK. Think about what would you prefer – that someone tells you directly they don’t want to date you or to drag you along because they don’t want to say something that might hurt you? Recognising who’s good for you or not – that is something you develop with experience, and also knowing yourself and understanding what kind of person is good for you long term. I can help with that – if you are curious how get in touch and we’ll set a consultation.

  4. Kiki says:

    A met a guy two months ago at a club. We left the club, went straight to breakfast then we each went home separately. After this he texts me most days to see how my day is going and sometimes calls. He works out of town but is from the town I live in. He was coming to my town this weekend so he contacted me ahead of time on Tuesday to make plans with me over the holiday weekend. We went to dinner and then went back to his place had a glass of wine and then fell asleep. No sex or making out. Just cuddling. He was really nice and respectful. He actually didn’t even try anything sexual. Then in the morning he took me out to breakfast. After breakfast he dropped me off home. It’s been since Saturday Afternoon and it’s now Monday night and he hasn’t texted me. I know he’s been away for the rest of the weekend with his family celebrating the holiday but Now I’m wondering does this guy like me or not? Could he be upset nothing happened between us that night. The rational part of me thinks that if he was mad or not interested he would not have taken me to breakfast the next morning. Should I text him? I usually let him initiate text or phone conversations and he did mention on our date that he felt our communication was one sided. What do you think?

    • Petra says:

      Text him and see what’s up. If he complained he always has to text or call first, that means he probably cares at least a bit. Otherwise he wouldn’t be bothered. I don’t know about the rest, you’ll have to see how your relationship progresses. At any point, if in doubt, ask! That is the only way to find out what’s really on someone’s mind. Take care

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