I just know love isn’t possible for me

love-isnt-possible
The biggest obstacle to any change in your life is – you. I know it sounds harsh, but if we could look at our lives and ourselves from an outside perspective, we could all see how many silly stories we tell ourselves about why we can’t have what we want.

As long as we believe in those stories, the desired change will not happen.

‘I am too old to find love.’ ‘I am not goodlooking enough.’ ‘There is not enough choice.’ ‘Everyone is already taken.’ ‘It’s possible, but not for me.’ ‘I have no luck.’

There are many versions of this ‘love isn’t possible for me’ statement, and they all have one thing in common – none of them are true. You can find love, at any age, any place, in any life circumstance. It is always possible, even if the odds are stacked against you. Heavily.

So… why is it so hard to believe in it and why do we convince ourselves we can’t have what we want?

Here is what I think:

 

HAVE YOUR SAY

Join the conversation and share one of your reasons why love isn’t possible for you – in the comment section below.

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13 Responses

  1. Sheila says:

    Love is possible, its just not easy to find. Some people are lucky- but most have to do a lot to get there. It is the same with wealth, fitness and skills ie some people are lucky – the rest of us have to work hard to get the result.
    You have to go through masses of rejection, possibly years of not dating at all, dissapointment after dissapointment; times of depression when you feel everyone has someone but you. You wonder where to go to actually find anybody remotely viable. You waste your money on internet dating sites.
    It isnt easy and unfortunately you get conditioned to feel helpless as you are not getting any positive reinforcement. You should not be criticised for ‘making excuses’ – its virtually inevitable you will do this. Singles who want a partner and are finding things difficult need a lot of support.
    Love is possible its just not easy to find for most people. You have to dig deep and keep trying. Its scary because youve no idea when and if youll succeed. But keeping trying and hopking is certainly better then doing nothing!
    Best wishes.

  2. Chelle says:

    I feel like I’ll always be alone because I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship for 17yrs that started when i was 16yrs old. I left it 6yrs before trying a new relationship. I started seeing a guy who didn’t want a relationship right away but said that it would happen between us one day. I was ok with that at first cause I didn’t want to get hurt. We seen each other a couple times a week for three months and by then I let my heart become involved and wanted more but was willing to keep going the way it was. The days and nights we’d spent together were really good and i thought things were going good. Until one day I went to see him one time too many I guess in a week. He was distant and cranky that id gone two days in a row to see him and yelled at me. We’d made plans which I reminded him about and he responded by saying we made those plans earlier in the week I didn’t think I would see you everyday. I said to him do you still want to see me he said yes but not every !#$*@ing day. I did everything for this guy in those short months of seeing him probably too much. So now i feel confused and hurt again. I feel like i give my all to people and never get anything in return. I have so much love to give but noone wants it. They just use and abuse me. Im so desperate to be loved because ive never been loved by someone properly that im attracting idiots. Everybody says to me you are so beautiful anybody would be so lucky to have you so why do i have nobody? I feel being attractive is hard because people think you’ll be up yourself. I’m not at all. Yes I’m attractive with blonde hair blue eyes and a good figure but I’m also beautiful on the inside too. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am genuinely a nice person. I don’t understand why I’m on my own. I feel so empty.

    • Petra says:

      You are giving yourself to wrong people – the ones who don’t care, and can’t appreciate what you have to give. That can change. It’s your need to be loved that makes you lower your criteria and accept relationships that don’t give you what you want. Let me know if you’d like to talk about this, I can help. Just send me an inquiry via Contact or Coaching pages.

  3. Nadine says:

    In my personal case, I was focused all my entire like on study and working, and I never was worried about be single (or maybe I had buried that thinking). I’m in my early 30’s and I really don’t know why, but something in myself that I have buried for years (afraid to be alone forever) has come out, and I’m devastated. And I realize that I forgot seek for love just for seek career and economic status and I feel that love isn’t possible for me. And yes, my career and seeking for better economic status were my ‘excuses’, but right now they aren’t. And yes, I feel that my countdown for seek for love is going to 0. I’m smart, and good looking, but I never found my man. Men that I meet hate smart women, so I preferred keep busy in my career.

    • Petra says:

      You can turn this around, nothing is lost! Get in touch and we’ll talk about it (via Contact or Coaching page). Take care.

  4. Brian says:

    I’m sorry, but I’m 45, and never had anything long term for a long email relationship. So, what’s going to change? It’ll be the same thing. I have no reason to keep trying thus late in the game. It’s just the way my life goes or it would have happened by now.

  5. Brian says:

    I just can’t find it. I’m 45 years old and it never works and just never will. So, what’s going to change? It’ll be the thing. It just isn’t worth the effort.

  6. Marissa says:

    Almost 36, never even had a boyfriend. I’m active and have lost weight in the last year to feel better about myself because I’d never even had a date before that. People tell me I have nice hair, pretty eyes, and a lovely smile. I’m intelligent, have two degrees, own my own home, am well-traveled, love to hike and adore all sports. When I started online dating a year ago, my hopes were so high. So far, I’ve had one second date and that was only because he thought if he took me out a second time, I would sleep with him. Other than that, guys either expect you to have a one-night stand with them, even though I am very clear that is not what I am on the site for, or they say hurtful things to you in the guise of being “helpful”. I’ve heard, “you’re average looking, but as I’ve gotten to know you tonight, I guess you have started to get prettier; you’re an amazing girl, it’s too bad you’re not just a little thinner so you were my type; I’m having so much fun with your I wish I were attracted to you so we had some chemistry.” I am well aware that I’m no super model, but I’m not hideous either. Frankly, I don’t look for men that are gorgeous. I set my standards based on whether they are educated, employed, and seem to be able to hold a conversation with me with a bit of a sense of humor. It seems I need to lower even those standards. After the last guy though, who seemed great and then turned out to only want to sleep with me and on top of that couldn’t even deign to talk with me or interact with me sober, my heart was officially broken. There’s a common denominator between all these guys and the way they act and it’s me. Clearly, if all of them see me the same way, then I don’t have much about me that’s worth trying to get to know for anyone, so why should I keep making an effort and getting hurt? The topper with the last guy is that after he treated me so terribly, I found out he’s been in a happy, healthy relationship for the last 2 months. I’m so tired of seeing other people get their happy endings and always ending up alone wondering what is wrong with me! It’s a horrible way to exist!

    • Petra says:

      The men you attract are a reflection of your feelings about yourself. If you saw yourself as worthy of love, you’d attract men who’d treat you that way. Maybe you still see yourself as unattractive, regardless of your accomplishments and weight loss. This is not a dating problem, it’s a confidence problem. If you’d like to see how to change it, do contact me. I can help.

  7. Bronze says:

    I attract nice men but I am not attracted to them. In fact, they repulse me physically. I have tried my hardest to like these nice men and am devastated that I can’t override my lack of attraction. I rarely feel attracted to any man. So how am I expected to overcome feeling repulsed when these men touch me just so I’m not single for the rest of my life. It also turns me off being friends with men because whilst I would love to be their friends because they are valuable and fun human beings and I like talking to them, they invariably want more. Why can’t men just want to be my friend, too? Why MUST they always take it further and ruin what could be really fulfilling friendships? Are they missing something? why do they have to bring SEX into EVERYTHING?? Are they all just walking d***s in the end and can’t see any value in females as anything other than a receptacle? I hate putting men into the ‘friendzone’ because it shouldn’t even be a thing and men should be able to be friend without bringing sex into it. Anyway, the point is I’m never attracted to the men who are seemingly attracted to me although I suspect they just want to get their end away and even if they didn’t like me and I wanted to go further, they’d still do it. I think it’s unfair to both of us for me to try and go further with a ‘nice guy’ when I actually repulsed. How can I meet someone if I’m never attracted to them and how soon should I cut off friendships with men if I know that I will never be able to be in a relationship with them. I am up front with them that I do not want a relationship with them but that doesn’t seem to stop them – they still think they can convince me that I want a relationship with them. when do I get super mean and stop them from wasting anymore of their time, even though I’d love to preserve the friendship? They seem to think because I value them as a friend that I will sooner or later want to be with them. I guess females really can’t be friends with men? And that is a shame in my view. I’ve now got to get mean and tell a lovely man I’ve known for over six years that he is wasting his time because he is making me uncomfortable. I think I’ll just stay away from men for the rest of my life – they make things way too complicated, without fail.

    • Petra says:

      I feel you have some deeper issues there than who and why you attract. Especially if you feel repulsed by nice guys. And getting super mean with people always gets you equal treatment back, think about that. You don’t have to waste anyone’s time, or delude them, but saying nicely and firmly you are not interested is a much better way to go. Let me know if you want to talk about this, get in touch via email (you can do it via my Contact page). Take care

  8. Sheila says:

    Another year has gone -and Im still on my own. (Cue Michael Jackson). But at least Ive managed a couple of dates. Wow! Such an achievement. Who knows I might eventually get lucky – because that is all it takes.
    Smug coupled people just wont admit it! But they insist on telling us we dont ‘get out there enough’ we are doing it wrong; we are thinking it wrong and so on. We really need ‘fixing’. No.

    Luck is all you need to be in the right place at the right time. Believe it.

    Even though you try changing thinking – still no-one ‘appears’. This manifesting stuff is rubbish. Law of attraction is rubbish. There are folk out there who absolutely hate themselves and still have wonderful partners. I found my husband (now long deceased) when I was very definitely looking for a partner. So that theory is blown too! (How can yoh nog be looking!)

    To all frustrated singles out there – I am sending warm thoughts and compassion.

  9. Klaudia says:

    I feel that love is not possible for me. I am 24 and I thought that University would be a breakthrough for me in terms of finding a man. This hasn’t materialized. I haven’t even had a single date. With age, the chances of finding a man for marriage will be declining drastically. Soon, there will only be divorcees and men with children left and I am not interested in either. Someone told me that at my age, the chances of finding someone are almost non-existent. As harsh as this comment was, maybe that person was the only one who actually told me the truth. It is not true that everyone finds love and gets married. How do we then explain a number of people who stay alone all their lives, despite looking hard for love?