How could you do that to me? – dealing with disappointment

dealing-with-disappointment
We all know it’s easier to make promises than to keep them – nevertheless, we often tend to hold people to their word without reservation.

They said they’ll do something, they said they feel a certain way – so how come they are not honouring their word?

– He said he’ll call.
– She said she loves me!
– He promised we’ll always be together.

Being let down always hurts – but it hurts most when it’s by someone we trust. Someone we’ve given our heart to.

Why do people make promises they can’t fulfill, and how can you save yourself from the pain of disappointment – watch in this video blog:

 

LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS

Do you have a story to share on this topic?

How do you deal with disappointment?

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5 Responses

  1. Angela Boler says:

    Hi Petra,

    First I want to tell you I have been enjoying your advice blog and videos. I am recovering from a very disappointing break up and your words provide me encouragement and strength to heal.

    The topic of disappointment is very relative to my situation and that one word alone has been repetitive in my conversations with my past love over these last several months.

    He states I disappointed him on various levels from what I feel range from small and trivial things to a couple more bigger picture things that with some better understanding, communication and forgiveness should have been repairable. Unfortunately I am not granted those things from him so now I too have disappointment. I truly thought we were committed to each other and would be willing to work together through anything that came our way. I was certain I was committed to this however he ran away and places sole blame on me so now I’m left heartbroken and confused.

    • Petra says:

      It seems to me you both expected more than you were willing (or able) to give. Sometimes we think we are stronger than we are, or we just don’t know ourselves enough – so we disappoint ourselves too, not just others. For example: if you expect from yourself you’ll always be patient – and then you’re not, you can feel pretty disappointed. But try to look at it this way: that experience is only showing you are not there yet, and pointing to parts of you that you need to develop or change. You can learn a lot from this relationship that will help you have better ones going forward: either expect less, or – live up to your own expectations, and then you can demand the same from the guy you’re dating. But again – be careful, build those expectations gradually, because expecting without proof the person is able to deliver is a road to disappointment.

  2. Ms Jones says:

    It’s a logical explanation but I am still heartbroken. Not very easy to find someone special, give it your all for years, then they leave.
    I am very lonely and have not met anyone new at all.

  3. Eileen K Kyle says:

    I’m at the point where giving up just looks more and more appealing. I am in love with my husband of almost 12 years. I’m at loss as to why. But I still see the admirable qualities I loved in him and feel he is my family and family doesn’t give up on each other. But I have also been through 5 affairs that he’s had . Each has been harder to take. This last one ended just last year, she didn’t know he was married and broke it off, then contacted me to apologize and let me know what had happened. This time he had proposed to her, just as we were settling in to a new home. He tells me that now he finally realises what he has in me. How he values my loyalty, my strong, loving heart, etc. We go more places, do more things together, make plans for our future. We have sex, but alot less often and its automatic, brief. He rarely kisses or touches me , doesn’t really look at me. How I’d love to just make out with him again. Now he says he’s too old, too tired, he.doesn’t have passion for anything anymore. Just last year he had plenty of passion for his other woman, physically and writing poems, and impassioned letters. I feel like, after she broke it off, that he just decided to settle for me, to give up on anything better. It breaks my heart. I’m 47 and the thought of living without love is depressing, being a “fallback” is humiliating and starting over, exhausting. Why am i still in love? Is my love and loyalty really just a weakness?

    • Petra says:

      It’s good you are asking yourself these questions. His affairs mean he is missing something in your relationship, and in his life in general. Maybe it’s the excitement he seeks. Maybe he isn’t feeling loved by you, the way he needs (hence the passionate letters and poems to other women). Maybe he is just emotionally immature and looks for solutions to his problems in wrong places. Probably a bit of all of those. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or the way you love him – that is just his perception.

      What does it mean for you? It can mean you should get out of the unsatisfying relationship and look for what you want and need elsewhere. Or it can mean you should tackle those issues with him and look for a happy place for you both. Either way, you’re not happy, he’s not happy – time to do something about it if you don’t want to live this way for the rest of your life (or marriage). Because problems like this will not get solved on their own.