Law of attraction: how we manifest love (or lack of it)

Law of attraction says ‘like attracts like’ – I am sure you heard of this concept at least in passing. Some people think it’s a natural law that governs our universe, some think it’s nonsense. I am in the former group – if you’ve read any of my materials you probably noticed that.

The reason why many people are reluctant to believe in the law of attraction is because it’s often misinterpreted. The popular explanation of this law is that it affects our life primarily through our thoughts. If we think positive thoughts, we get positive experiences, if we think negative thoughts, we get negative ones. This is not completely untrue, but it is not the whole picture.


Programming your thoughts to attract experiences into your life does not work on its own. It is because thoughts are just the tip of the iceberg of your attraction power. Much more important ingredients in this mix are your feelings, your beliefs and values (deep-rooted thought patterns), and your behaviour. Thoughts don’t operate in a vacuum, that’s why changing them alone only brings marginally better experiences, and only while we are fully committed to controlling our thoughts day by day.

So if you look to change your life by just repeating positive affirmations every day, it won’t work. Not until your whole ‘iceberg’ changes its composition. Trying to influence your thoughts while you are feeling completely opposite – is like building a house without foundations. It will stand for a while, even look good from the outside, but will crumble down at the first opportunity.

Let me give you an example: you tell yourself every day in front of the mirror how beautiful, interesting, smart and attractive you are. You feel good for at that moment, but then you go out to a party and nobody notices you, nobody approaches you, nobody responds. This is because deep down you don’t really believe all those things you are trying to think about yourself. You feel completely the opposite, and no amount of positive thoughts will change that until you address the problem on a deeper level.


You are constantly attracting experiences into your life. But you are not attracting them just with your thoughts. You are attracting them with your whole being.

So when you feel ashamed of having those extra pounds, inadequate because ‘nobody wants you’, down because ‘everyone else has someone’, and unsure whether you have anything interesting to say to your dates – you attract people who will feed you back all that: they will perceive you the same way you perceive yourself.

That is law of attraction in action: your experiences confirm everything you feel about yourself. They manifest the reality you believe in. You believe you are worthy of love and connection – you get more of it, you feel unworthy and disconnected – you get more of that too.

This may sound unfair and cruel: life rewards those who already feel they deserve to be loved, and punish those who don’t. How on earth can this help you find love and happiness you so long for, when all you get is more pain, rejection and hurt? How will getting more of what you don’t want ever make you feel better?


Well, believe it or not – it’s all set up that way, because it is the fastest and most precise way for us to become happy. We all want love and connection. We all yearn to be accepted, appreciated, respected and cared for. But the way to get that from other people is to give it all first to ourselves.

There is no way to feel loved by others if we don’t love our own self. If we don’t accept and appreciate our own being, no matter how much love we get from the world, it will never be enough. It will never fill the hole. The love we get from our family, friends and partners will be just a temporary relief from the unhappiness and emptiness we feel inside.

The way law of attraction helps us find love and happiness inside by showing us how fruitless is to look for it from the outside world. By giving us back what we feel about ourselves, it teaches us that we can get a different result if we change that.

It tells us we are the masters, we are in control, we are the ones who create our own reality. It gives us the power back. The power to change everything around us without having to influence and manage anyone but ourselves.

Isn’t that brilliant? You don’t have to go out and seek for love: instead – go inside, and find it within you. And the world responds accordingly – by giving you love from others!


Maybe you’re thinking: I am not sure if this is all true, but even if it is: it’s not that easy to change how you feel. It may be easier than changing the world around you, but – still, where do I begin? How do I find that love inside me? How do I learn to love myself the right way? How do I change the way I feel?

It’s not easy, I’ll give you that. I’ve been learning this for the better part of my life and I am still not quite there yet.

But – since I started down this route, my life has gotten progressively better and happier. When I decided to test the law of attraction – which at that point I also wasn’t sure if it’s the real thing or just a nice idea – I had no clue what I was doing. I just knew I wanted to be happy, and I was willing to test-ride any concept that sounded like it could get me there.

It was a step by step process – not a change that happened overnight. Each time a belief about me or the world dissolved or changed, each time I let go of a fear or insecurity, my reality changed too. It’s hard to see the change day by day sometimes, but looking back, I can see a huge difference. It’s not random luck, it works. I know that because everything I changed inside made me feel a bit happier, and it never reversed back.


Many people have a hard time accepting the idea they are creating their lives. It’s because they don’t like what they see, and then they conclude there is something wrong with them if they are such poor creators.

Please understand: your life is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. That is a huge difference. Right now you are creating from a place full of insecurity, doubts, self-hatred and fears. You are doing the best you can, but remember: you are creating the reflection of how you feel. When you feel better, that reflection will change.

The first step on this path is to accept the idea that what your experience tells you is not what the world looks like, it’s just the way you see it. From there, you will be able to start letting go the beliefs that make you unhappy. Your truth will change, your reality will follow.

Which beliefs are the ones that need changing? All those that keep you powerless and small. All those that say you are not good enough to succeed, to be loved, to be happy.

When you believe you can’t have what you want because ‘life is unfair’, ‘I don’t deserve it’ and ‘I am unlucky’ you can’t make any progress. This type of thinking only serves to make you passive and miserable. You can’t change your reality if you think you’re not the one creating it.

But what if you are?


Do you believe in the law of attraction?

If yes, how does it affect your life?

If not, why not?

Thank you for sharing in the comment section.

Want to know more? This free webinar will help you understand how your thoughts, feelings and beliefs influence your success in love.

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4 Responses

  1. Sheila B says:

    Thanks for a good post. Just to add you can manifest all sorts of love not just the romantic kind.
    Best wishes to all

  2. Marie says:

    Hi Petra, i was wondering if you could help me, i’m 28 and have never had a boyfriend, i have severe social anxiety and don’t go out much don’t have any friends don’t do anything. I tried therapy to get rid of this but it did not work and i don’t how to move on. I really want a boyfriend and to get married and have kids. I feel trapped in a town where everyone knows each other and i want no connection to past. All guys here are the same i’m not attracted to any of them, the guys i am attracted to are not from here and are unattainable I feel inferior to everyone and there’s so many things in my way of finding a boyfriend. Guys don’t find me attractive, i don’t talk to anyone i don’t like online dating, i feel like love is impossible.i see you usually skype people but i have really bad social anxiety and could never use skype is there anyway you could give me advice without having to do this even advice on here i really need your help is anyway you could

    • Petra says:

      With that many restrictions I don’t think there is a way forward. You need to either look for help from others (new therapist?) or do it yourself – and dig yourself out of this isolation. Your fears are so big that they are blocking you completely. You don’t believe you can find anyone, you don’t believe in love, you don’t believe there are suitable partners around you, you feel inferior. Nothing will change unless you are willing to change those thoughts and feelings. And for that, you need to get over yourself: be willing to risk, open up, dig into the fears, deal with your deep rooted negative emotions. If I were you I’d ask myself: why do I even want a partner and marriage, what’s in it for me? Your social anxiety is a huge obstacle – we have to be open to connection if we want a loving partner, let alone kids. There is no way you can stay this way and form a happy healthy connection and family unit. I don’t want to be harsh, but you have to open the door somewhere, otherwise there is no chance anything will change.

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