We had that special connection, will I ever find it again?

special-connectionLove comes to us in different shapes and sizes. And sometimes we meet someone who touches are heart so fast, so strong, so incredibly deep – that we feel we found a true soul mate.

The connection is almost instant, and sooooo powerful – there is amazing chemistry, but also – we feel like we are connecting on so many levels, like we never connected with anyone else before: emotionally, intellectually, spiritually… everything just clicks.

We read each other’s minds and hearts. We know how the other one feels and we know how to respond, intuitively. Everything feels like magic when we’re around each other.

When this happens – you think you hit the jackpot of love. This is what you’ve been looking for your whole life. This is IT.

You thought it doesn’t exist – but hey, here it is. And it’s incredibly unbelievably wonderfully amazing. Nothing can go wrong with this special connection.

Until it does.

Life gets in the way. One of you is already in a relationship, and can’t find the strength to get out of it. You live on different continents. Your family is against you being together. Your partner has a troubled past (or present). An ex is casting a shadow on your happiness.

All the usual suspects.

But surely, your think, what we have is so special – our love will prevail.

Sometimes, unfortunately, it doesn’t. You find out that no matter how amazing your connection is, it can still break under the weight of reality.

Sometimes it lasts a few months, sometimes a few years. But not forever.

And suddenly you are left alone, shipwrecked on an unknown shore. In a much worse place than you’ve ever been before – because this was real love. If that didn’t last, what will?

You’re left with a bunch of hard questions, and no good answers. How could this happen, when our connection was so strong? We love each other so much, why can’t we be together? Isn’t love ENOUGH?

I never felt this way about anyone, how can I go back to settling to ‘mediocre’ when I know how great it can be?

And will I ever be able to find it again? Oh no, I certainly won’t!

Isn’t it only logical to think that this kind of connection happens only once in a lifetime?

Well, it’s no more logical than thinking it never happens. Or that it happens 2 or 3 or 25 times.

But what is logical – is to conclude that special connection can happen. That it can happen to you. Because it happened, didn’t it?

The only thing you have proof of is: that it is possible, and it’s possible for you.

So instead of wondering how something that magical could still fail – ask yourself this:

What made it magical, what made it fail?

Those are the real questions for you, if you want to find it again. And if you find those answers, you won’t have to wait until you stumble upon it again.

When you know what it was that made you tick, you can actually look for it. Same with understanding why it went wrong – you can make sure you don’t fall into the same trap again.

There may not be one simple answer, and a straightforward formula, but the more you know what really makes you happy and why, and what doesn’t – the easier it will be to get it.

Because, it’s not only possible – it’s also very probable you will find it again. And guess what – it will be even better next time.

Yes, it CAN be even better.

Just because you can’t imagine it being better, doesn’t mean it can’t. Don’t think all you haven’t seen doesn’t exist. After all, didn’t you once think that even this level of connection was impossible?

And, please don’t look back or mourn your breakup. If your special ex was the best person for you, if it was the best love you could ever have – you’d both want to be together so strongly, that there would be no obstacles you would not overcome. You’d simply make it happen. No. Matter. What.

You’ve had a glimpse of what love can be. What true connection can look like.

This was your first time. And it happened, because you were (finally) ready to experience it. Not because it happens once, totally randomly.

It was there to show you what love can be. Not to show you how to be miserable and settle for the rest of your life.

Your ex is not your only chance of true connection, in fact – he/she should be the reason you finally start believing it exists.

But it won’t be exactly the same next time. So don’t compare everyone you meet with the ex either. And keep your eyes, ears and heart open.

Because your next great love might be very different than the one you had. So when you compare everyone new you meet with it, you could miss on something equally amazing – only in a different package.

Love does, indeed, come in different shapes and sizes. Each one equally beautiful 🙂

YOUR THOUGHTS?

Did the special, instant connection happen to you? Once or more?
How do you feel about it happening again – what makes you believe it will, what makes you fear it won’t?

Thanks for commenting, sharing, engaging… and all the love!

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28 Responses

  1. M says:

    This is something I’m struggling with at the moment, it wasn’t love yet but it could have been. I found someone I had a great connection with, I just felt so comfortable with him like I could completely be myself with him. We only dated for a few weeks before he ended up getting laid off and having to move back to his hometown which in another province. We kept in contact and I went to visit him out there about a month later. His plan was to come back here for work again this fall now that oil prices are recovering but he’s not sure he’s coming back now. About a month ago he mentioned still wanting to visit me in August but I don’t think he has plans to move back for work anymore and we weren’t together long enough to sustain a long distance relationship while he figures out what he’s doing. I actually haven’t heard from him in awhile, he doesn’t text me anymore unless in response to something I’ve sent. I’m not even sure if he’s still coming to visit me after the 17th like he planned and I’m not sure how to ask. But I can’t help hoping that he will and it’s keeping me from enjoying dating. I’ve tried going out on other dates and I just can’t seem to be excited about anyone and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m just not meeting anyone I’m really interested in or if it’s because I can’t stop thinking about him. What can I do?

    • Matt says:

      Hey, M. I’m kind of in a similar situation and it really is no fun. It feels so great to meet someone you can be so comfortable and yourself around. In turn it makes it feel even worse when they don’t seem to feel that same connection. One thing that friends have reminded me, that is kind of depressing, but really I think its true for many types of relationships. If the person you are interested in doesn’t make the time or effort to even contact you, they really aren’t as interested in you as you are in them. I know, like me, you want to be hopeful and think that they will come around and see in you what you see in them. My best advice would be to just continue on with life and try dating other people, even if you aren’t that interested. For me, in my mind I keep comparing all these people to that person, but one day there will be someone else. You’ll enjoy talking to them. They’ll be different than the person that you were head over heels for, but they’ll have their own things that you like and grow on you. Or if you just don’t feel like dating right now, break out that list of things you haven’t gotten around to doing. Read those books, watch those movies, go out with friends, try and have some fun without thinking too much about the guy that isn’t making the effort to text you. It’ll take time, but the love and the hurt will fade with time. To be honest, I envy you a little. I have to see the person I fell for every day at work. It would be so much easier to get over her if I didn’t. Read through some of Petra’s other blogs too, she goes over some of this stuff a few other times. It helps to read, at least for me. Best of luck to you 🙂

      • Matt says:

        Oh also, yes I realize its not quite the same since you guys live far apart now. You may feel like, if he hadn’t moved, it would have been different, but in reality that’s not how it went. It doesn’t take much time or effort to send a text or have a short conversation with someone you are interested in. I can tell you for certain if I were in that situation, with a girl that I felt that level of connection with, I would make the effort to talk to her and go see her when I could.

    • Petra says:

      Why do you hesitate to ask if he’s coming to see you? If he says no, at least you know where you stand and it will help you get a closure and move on. It’s better to find that out sooner rather than later, this way you’re keeping your hopes up and blocking the healing process. Your feelings for him are making it impossible to meet someone new you’d be interested in. It’s great you had the connection – as I said in the article, that only means you can have it again! If this was the real thing, you’d both be in it enough to make it work.

  2. gareth says:

    call me a cynic but I dont believe in a “true connection”. Im 33 and still waiting for that first proper relationship and have given up on the whole notion of true l@ve.
    Doesnt exist……I am however very knowledgeable on getting passed over, rejection etc. Just my thoughts

    • Diana says:

      Hello, Gareth: I’ve felt it for the first time when I was 39, so… And I also didn’t believe it was possible before.
      Read my comment below. I wish you the best of luck!

    • Petra says:

      That’s ok, most people don’t believe until they see it. However, if you would like to explore why it hasn’t happened yet, contact me, I can help.

  3. Tami says:

    Well the truth is I never loved anyone before in my life so for me, it’s scary. I don’t know what to do

  4. Diana says:

    Hello, Petra. I’m from Spain. Just last week I was asking my friends to help me overcome my one “great love”… and today I’ve received your letter with these words. I felt you were really talking to me, and at the exact right time. Thank you.

    In my case, my one great connection felt unbelievable magical, something I’ve never thought it could happen to me. And it didn’t because it didn’t even get started. We lived in different countries and we’ve never met again. Yet, I still long for that connection and look for it in every man I meet. Haven’t found it yet again, but your words give me confort and hope. Thank you.

  5. Riya says:

    I never had a real connection that made me feel, that I am finally home…but i did have that connection a few years ago with my best friend. But this connection will not see a happy ending, as he is a married man and about to get divorced. the problem with that is I am 33 years old and as much as I would love to wait for him to get a divorce, I think I should move on. I have the exact same anxiety as to whether I will find this amazing connection again. He is a my school friend..we have known each other for years, of course the connection dawned on me only when he was going through his divorce. At 33,i really want to have that special connection and friendship with someone again, the feeling at home thing, that is probably the best feeling I have ever had.

    • Petra says:

      If you think it’s not worth waiting for him, move on. And define that ‘thing’ you have with him, so you can find it in someone who isn’t married.

  6. Joana says:

    Hi Petra. I am new at this website..but yeah I had something like you’ve said..basically it started as something casual..but then he started liking me and did i..and then he had “stuff” to solve. I just feel that I cannot move on with this..he said that he would get in touch with me someday..and I just feel sad all the time. I just feel he was the one. And I know how stupid that is..but I just feel that I’ll never find someone like him again..and I’ll just be alone. And I know that is just stupid. Amd unreal..and there’s not a perfect guy..but I just cry all nights and feel like I don’t want to pass through all this again..and again..

    Thanks,

    Joana

    • Petra says:

      Your feelings will change over time, but to speed that up – please think about what is it about him that is so special – you have to challenge your thinking to change it. He is certainly not “the one” because he didn’t want to be with you. That doesn’t happen. If he was the real thing, you’d both feel it, you’d both be so drawn to each other it wouldn’t fall apart that easily. If you are able to look at his personality in a realistic way, you’d see many flaws – life for example his flakiness and fear of commitment. That’s not what you want in a guy. Just think about all that – this way you just focus on the positives and imagine the perfect moments that happened once upon a time. But if you actually imagined what life would be like day-to-day with him, you’d see he’s not that perfect. What’s holding you in this miserable state is not him – it’s the idea of him you have in your head.

      • Joana says:

        The idea that i have of him..yes you’re totally right. I just..yes i just felt that he was the “stereotype” of a guy that I wanted. Thank you petra, I’ll start following you 🙂 thank you **

  7. Diana says:

    Hello, Petra and everyone: I wrote a comment on this post a month ago talking about a lost love with whom I felt that “great connection”… Well, I found that connection again, with another man! We have started dating two weeks ago, and I really feel a special spark 🙂
    I don’t know how things are going to go, of course, but, at least it’s proof that you can find that special connection with more than one person. Thank you for your words, Petra.

    • Petra says:

      That is great news! Congratulations and thank you for sharing and thank you for confirming my words with a real life example 🙂 Happy for you. Enjoy it!

  8. A. says:

    I just read another one of your articles, It’s over… but you don’t feel like leaving. And then saw the link for this one and WOW, you sure nail it, on both!
    I’m in a relationship for 10 years now. We split a few years back and a few months later I met someone. He set my world on fire, every country song was us. We knew it, we felt it immediately. He was my zing, if you will. But me and my ex, we had been together so long, we have children together. So when he wanted me back, I went…Thinking keeping my family together was the best decision I could make. I just up and left B, all alone. No explanation. He knew my kids happiness meant more to me than my own. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. I miss him, he still shows me little signs here and there that he still cares for me and its been 3 years since me and B broke up. I feel like my ex (now bf again) are just going through the motions, we haven’t been in love in years. I don’t think we know how to live without eachother. It’s so hard sometimes. I feel like I thought I was making the right choice, and just failed at it. I missed my chance, I was out and I should of stayed out.

    Any wise words?

    • Petra says:

      Made the wrong choice, make a new one. Just because you missed your chance with B doesn’t mean you have to stay with A. I don’t have any other wise words, life is a very complex thing and whatever you decide there will be consequences, good and bad. The question is which ones would you prefer? If you’d like more clarity we can talk about it. Take care

  9. Alicia says:

    I had never believed in soulmates till I met him. It is started when we made our first unintentional eye contact as something flickered in my heart. I felt a strong and warm emotion when we gazed at each other. Since that the game of staring began. I caught him staring at me several times. But nothing happened till he stopped doing the stare one day. I can’t stop wondering what was in his mind because I just can’t forget him. Should I trust my heart that there’ll be a plan for us or try hard to get him out of my mind? I have no idea. Any wise suggestion?

  10. s says:

    Hi there,well I have been in a relationship for 4 yrs and it’s been 1yr sice it ended.It was the perfect relationship I ever dreamt about.But when I have decided to move on ,I just can’t it’s really difficult for me.I can’t feel anything for anyone
    I’m sacred ,the question is why am I not about to feel anything as love ?
    Please someone help me

    • Petra says:

      I can help you, but we’d have to talk about it in more detail (contact me via my Contact page if you’d like that). What are you scared of? What is behind your fears? What are your thoughts, feelings, expectations, beliefs? All those things are very important to understand what’s happening and why.

  11. I can’t move on from my ex boyfriend, I just feel like i will always love him. I thought I would marry him and have a long future. He ended the relationship because he met someone else. He now lives in America with her. I still think about my ex every day. I can’t even imagine loving another guy. I feel like I will just stay single because I feel like nobody can compare to him. He was abusive and controlling and I was scared of him. I should hate him but I dont. I feel like if I got into a relationship again I will get hurt all over again. The idea of dating again terrifies me. I feel I am better off staying single.

  12. Bronze says:

    I don’t believe that everybody finds somebody. I’ve felt that connection one time in 45 years and I will never forget that feeling. Not one person I have met before it or since has ever inspired those feelings in me and doubt I will ever feel them again. I didn’t even know humans could feel that way – it was so HUGE. If I can’t have that again why would I try for a poor second to it, just so I’m not alone? I’d rather be alone now I know what is possible. The hurdle to this is needing to fully accept that I will never love or be loved in my entire life and that is a tough pill to swallow, but a necessary one, so I don’t go through life with some mythical false hope that there is someone for everybody. That is simply untrue. I know people who have never found anyone – it happens and giving false hope is wrong. What I felt was not reproducible – I KNOW that. How can there be another person with those exact pheromones that mine exactly resonate with. I have met thousands of people in my life and this was rare. To move on – I need to lose hope and accept that I can be happy for the rest of my life alone. Well, I can be but my life will be a paler shade than it was when I felt love.

    • Petra says:

      If you felt it once, that only means you can feel it and find it. There is more than one person in the world that can make you feel love and attraction. It’s not the pheromones you have a problem with, it’s your feelings, thoughts, beliefs. Get in touch if you want to explore what’s behind all that.