Why are relationships such hard work?

Christmas is a time when we celebrate love, peace and harmony. A time when we are supposed to feel blissfully connected with our partners, family and all our loved ones.

Yet what often happens is quite the opposite: we miss members of our family who live far or had passed away even more than usual.

If we are single we get constantly painfully reminded of it during Christmas time. We feel everyone else has someone special in their lives – while we are home alone with nothing left to do but watch endless re-runs of idealistic family and love-themed movies.

But what we don’t realise is that those people who do have that someone special often feel as lonely, disconnected and misunderstood during holidays, just like us. Instead of feeling special and loved by their family members, they spend their holidays arguing and feeling frustrated – because they suddenly realise that without all the distractions and business of their daily lives, once they actually sit down with their spouses and loved ones – they often have nothing much to say to each other. Or they simply just have even more time for bickering and getting on each other’s nerves.

Why are relationships such hard work? Why can’t we simply be happy with each other, and enjoy each other’s company without conflict?

Here is what I think…



How do you feel about Christmas time?
What feelings and moods do you associate with it?

Please chip in with your questions and comments.

Wherever you are, whoever you’re spending it with – I sincerely wish you a very Merry Christmas!

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4 Responses

  1. Ms Jones says:

    Merry Christmas Petra!
    I am Roman Catholic. For me, Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus, the Prince of Peace and Love. That’s what it means to me.
    I reject all the other negative fighting, expectations, bickering, criticism, materialism and attempts to make me or others feel bad, inferior, or not fulfilling their expectations on this day – or any other. It is not commensurate with my faith and the meaning of life. As I have said before- how do they know? Who are they? It is my life, not theirs.
    I lost my beautiful Godmother 1 year ago. She DID love me, and I loved her. I miss her. She was a wonderful person.
    I will spend Christmas in my own company and the company of God and Jesus on his birthday. That is the most suitable company I know. And there are many who carry this spirit.
    My personal experience is that most of the members if my extremely dysfunctional family have no understanding of this notion at all. Some who do live very far away, so I do not spend this or hardly any days with them, except my late aunt and my late grandparents. I also spent some time with my sick mother when she is here. She recently moved far away and I cannot afford to make the trip and pay for the accommodations, although she sees Christmas as a shopping and card sending frenzy, so I do do wish to spend Christmas time with her. My parents divorced when I was small and proceeded to make every Christmas visit with them there after “custody battle day”. Needless to say the meaning of Christmas is lost on them. I have rarely spent an adult Christmas with either of them, by choice.
    I try to live in peace in my home. That is my Christmas wish. And that is what I will be doing . I do have control over that, I would be wonderful if I had a great partner right now but I do not. it does not matter on Christmas Day. I have my own company and the company of God and I have peace of mind.
    Merry Christmas to all.
    Ms. jones

    • Petra says:

      Thank you so much for your upbeat story, and I am so glad you are in a good place during Christmas even though your family is not there for you. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Nesrin says:

    That’s what I’ve been telling myself as well ! I now belief that even if in we’re in a relationships or marriage doesn’t mean that we won’t feel lonely either…For that I’m happy and thankful even though I’m alone ^^ Being single is awesome 🙂

    • Petra says:

      I am glad you think so! It’s so true, we can be happy and single, and why not? If only more people realised that, there would be so much less misery in the world. And less work for me 🙂 But hey I’ll vote for less work and more happy singles and day. Take care and thank you for chipping in.

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