Is love worth it? …maybe I am meant to be alone?

When you’ve been battered and bruised by your dating and relationship experience, and you can’t seem to find a long term partner (or even a short term one) no matter where you go, it’s easy to become disappointed in love. If the pain of rejection and heartbreak becomes unbearable, you might start thinking love is simply not in the cards for you at all.

If you are in that place right now, love and connection looks like an unattainable goal, or one that requires way too much sacrifice to make it worthwhile.

So is love truly worth all that trouble? If you haven’t been able to find it so far, is it possible you are meant to stay alone for the rest of your life?

And what if you have resigned to being alone, but you still haven’t made peace with that decision?

Here is what I think…



How do you feel about this topic?
Has your experience ever made you stop looking for a relationship?
What are the upsides and downsides of that decision for you?

Join the conversation in the comment section!

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20 Responses

  1. Corey says:

    From my past experiences, trying to find someone here in the US has become nearly impossible, because of how the American culture is these days. The lack of morality, compassion, and love has diminished over the years. I think you can find love, but I doubt you will find it in this country. The marriages in America seem to be more of a business arrangement, and not a true loving relationship. If you want to know why you can’t find a partner/companion, look in the mirror, and learn about why you are in the situation you are in. You can’t buy love, or a personality that makes it to where people desire you, and will stay with you.

    • Petra says:

      Well I think it’s not just US, everywhere in the world people have similar problems. It’s more to do with our fears, insecurity and overall expectations that have changed over time – not so much lack of love. I think people today crave love more than any other generations before us, they had to focus most of their mental and emotional capacity on survival, while today we have a lot more resources left for feeling and thinking. But we still don’t know how to love, that’s the main problem. I agree with you that many look for love from the wrong reasons, but it’s mainly because they don’t know a better way. Thank you for opening this interesting topic!

  2. I’ve felt this way before. I can’t say whether I’m “meant” to be alone or not. I don’t believe in fate or predeterminism but the uncomfortable truth is that not every person who wants love will find it. Most probably will but some won’t. That sounds cynical and defeatist but that’s the reality for some. I might not find love but perhaps I will. I urge anyone who wants to discover love to try to find it and not give up. That contradicts what I just said but if none of us ever try then we’ll never know whether we could have found it or not.

    • Petra says:

      Sure some will not find it – but it’s possible for everyone to do it. I am absolutely convinced that it’s in our own hands, and I know it’s hard sometimes, but a life spent on looking for love versus one that’s given up on it is still a much more fulfilled one. And I mean love in all its manifestations, doesn’t have to be only romantic love.

      • But what if what we dream of is to have a committed, romantic relationship? Should I not dream for these things? Is it silly to dream of things that *may* never happen? What is life without romantic love? I don’t think I could go on. I always said if I didn’t find it by 35, you can always check out early.

        • Petra says:

          Hey there. Why wouldn’t you get it? What makes you think you’re one of those who’ll never find it? Plus, what is life without romantic love – think about it… you might be surprised with the answers you come up with. Life can be very fulfilling when we don’t have a romantic partner, and it can be very unhappy and frustrating when we do have one. Romantic love is not meant to make us happy, we are meant to make ourselves happy – and romantic love is just one beautiful experience that adds to that happiness. Everyone has single periods in their life, and those periods can be very happy, but if we think our life is worth nothing if we don’t have a partner, that’s exactly how it will be. Once you find that partner, you’ll know it’s not better or worse – it’s just different, different experience, different challenges, different issues and different joys.

  3. Chris says:

    Hey Petra. Chiming in on another topic of yours. I don’t believe it is worth it. I didn’t long ago and for the past few years watching what it does to co-workers and relatives, I’d rather ignore it. I am better off alone and will always be content with it but not happy. Medical issues are getting in the way now and that is taking priority and even over my job. Although I’ve never been on a date in my life (I’m 25), I don’t plan on doing it. I like some of your thoughts in your video. Thanks for posting. Take care.

    • Petra says:

      Hello and glad you liked the video. I sure hope you will change your mind, you are very young and anything is possible!

  4. I’d delete that first negative comment if I could. It’s too counter-productive.

  5. Ms Jones says:

    I thought the video was beautiful and the sentiment is real. There is love all around us and I do not know how a person can live without it. I feel so much pain around loveless people.

    It is becoming increasing difficult to find a partner as I get older and have had so many negative experiences. I never thought I would find myself in this position at this point in life.

    I do believe that it is was a lot easier to connect when I was younger. People become more convinced they will never marry the more the years pass. I have begun to feel invisible at times. Fortunately for myself I feel I do have high self esteem and try to disregard the stupid and hurtful comments a lot of people make. As I said in a previous post -how do they know?

    Still we live in a very ageist society and as a woman you cannot believe some of the remarks I hear. Fortunately I have nice features and a nice figure. I can only imagine what a chubby average looking woman my age (57) hears. She must feel even more invisible and resigned than me.

    Keep on with the blog Petra. You do a great service to many. There is a way.

    And in response to the young person who is 25 with health concerns, I would say that at age 40 I developed a terrible medical problem that lasted 10 years. It was a very difficult and time. I finally overcame it. I hope you overcome your problem too. Many people do not have perfect health. It is very difficult to bear as a young person. It was a very lonely experience for me. But there are others out there who understand – those are the people you want to meet. Ultimately in life we never know what challenges we will face. Illness a real part of life and so is care and compassion. Don’t block yourself off from caring people. There are loads of them all around, many older who have had health problems. They may not be your age, but try to find caring people to make you feel better. Soon you will see more caring people your own age appear as well. I wish you well.

  6. Sheila B says:

    Thats a very caring comment from Ms Jones. I am 62 and find it very difficult if not impossible to meet a single man – without getting even as far as a date – but who knows. Maybe a miracle will happen and sometimes I think that is what it will take, meanwhile I console myself with the thought of all the stuff I am free to do. Yes, it is honest to say some will never partner – you could work like mad and just never be in the right place at the right time! So even if Mr Wonderful does not turn up Ive had a better life than many partnered people! Very best wishes to all x

  7. Michelle says:

    I was in a relationship for two months with a work colleague. It was quite intense quite quickly. He told me he had never felt this way before. He was totally in love with me and I fell in love with him. We talked about moving in together. We talked about a future. I meet his mom then out of the blue he ended it saying I’m better of without him. Saying that he wants to be on his own. He just completely cut me out. I didn’t understand. Still don’t. We speak at work but he can barely look at me. He egnores my texts. I don’t know what I did wrong and I’m struggling with this

    • Petra says:

      There is really no way to know what caused this change of heart and mind, unless he tells you. But since he doesn’t want to, that is a clear sign he really didn’t care much for you in the first place. Plus he is emotionally not mature enough to give you an answer, knowing how much it would help you to move on. Lots of people do that to avoid uncomfortable situations – it would just be hard for him to tell you the truth, so he thinks if he ignores you you’ll get the message and eventually give up. But as I said, that is not grown up behaviour. Whatever happened, he should have had enough decency to tell you the reason. So please ask yourself why would you want to be with a guy who can’t even break up like a grown up? I know it hurts and it’s hard to accept someone can change their behaviour and feelings just like that without any explanation, but trust me – that says nothing about you, and everything about him. The real message here is that you are worth much more, and deserve to be with someone who will value you more, and respect your feelings.

  8. Martin says:

    I never thought I could find a life partner until when I was in my mid twenties. I am suffering from CMT..making me difficult to live normally. However, I met this girl who cared so much about me and she touched me. We got married but after 13 years I found out she had an affair and we divorced. I am a catholic, to me marriage is forever.Upon divorce, she confessed that she never loved me..
    After that, I had alot of relationship, but never worked..i am not able to commit anymore. Marriage is traumatic to me..all my relationships ended up with me withdrawing..
    I am already 42 years old,I think I meant to be alone forever..i am too tired to try anymore

    • Petra says:

      Martin, I know it’s tough – but that’s how life is designed: by giving us challenges, it provokes us to take action and get out of our misery. All suffering is self-inflicted. The only way to become happy is to overcome our insecurities, fears and traumas. By running away from pain you will never get rid of it. If you stop looking for romantic connection, it will follow you in other relationships and experiences. 42 is not old. You are most likely only halfway into your life. I know there are times we think we can’t go on trying, but that’s when we try different things, seek help, change our ways. Giving up never solves anything. Just think about how you want to spend the rest of your days – being miserable and feeling powerless, or looking for solutions. Nothing is worse than prisons we built for our soul, because we falsely think there is no way out. Do ask for help if you don’t know how to continue on your own. You’ll be surprised how things can change.

  9. Diamond says:

    Hi Petra, great site and this is a great topic! Sometimes I wonder if the Universe is trying to give me a message though, by putting seemingly ideal people in my path and then I find after getting to know them a bit that these very nice people are not really interested in me beyond friendship. And, the greatest irony it seems, is that people who I’m not interested in at all, are very into me and I end up friend zoning them. I’ve nearly given up, my cat and dog give me far more love and companionship without any of the disappointment or crushing blows to my self esteem that looking for a long term relationship brings!

    • Petra says:

      Might be some self-worth issue – when we don’t feel we’re good enough for the people we want to date and end up attracting always the ones who reject us or we reject them. If you’re up for it let’s talk about it and dig deeper – just send me an inquiry for a consultation via Contact or Work with me pages.

  10. I am convinced that if you are positive about finding someone you will. Yes, it is hard and Mr Right wont knock on your doorstep. The more proactive you are, the better your chances. Nobody has ever been worse off for having faith and being positive.

  11. Ron says:

    The way i look at it, many people were very blessed by God to have a love life which many of us were punished with singleness. Go figure.

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