Meant to be together, but… it’s not possible
You know that feeling when you’ve met someone really really special, when it almost instantly feels like you’ve known them for a hundred years? The magic is there, the connection feels real, you finish each other’s sentences and know what the other one thinks before they even say it. You’ve met your soul mate. Or so it seems.
You are both thrilled you’ve found each other. You date for a while, and everything is perfect… and then, often out of the blue – something happens and they decide it’s time to call it quits. They say they still love you but someone or something is preventing them from being with you.
It could be their family (you don’t fit into their idea of the right person for their son/daughter), the time isn’t right (they are too busy finishing their PhD/building their career/travelling the world), they already have a spouse that they suddenly decide they are not ready to leave yet, or they simply say they love you, you understand them so well, you’re the most amazing match for them, but… something is missing.
Whatever it is, it’s always a reason beyond their control. They’d love to be with you – but – heck, it’s just not possible.
If you’ve experienced a similar scenario, you probably find it very hard to move on and stop hoping this person will somehow change their mind and get back to you.
You’re thinking goes round and round in circles to all the good times you had together. Plus all the possible good times you could still have. There is so much potential! You are sure you were and still are such a great match. He/she might be your first true love ever. They said they felt the same. Many times.
And they still decided to let you go. They must be so mistaken. In denial. Under someone else’s influence. Suffering and torn inside from all the feelings they still have for you.
You’re almost sure it’s only a matter of time until they see how mistaken they are and come running back to you. But time passes, weeks turn into months, and it’s still not happening.
What could you be missing?
Only the fact that they simply don’t care (enough) for you. They might love you. But not enough. Not more than their family. Or their career. Or their spouse. You are not important enough to them.
They feed you empty promises and sometimes call or text in a moment of desperation, or they ask to see you on a whim because “they need you”. Which only feeds your hope and longing, confirms they are still “thinking about you” and makes it harder to move on and find someone new. But no matter how good it feels to be someone’s emergency, desperation or booty call – you hurt because you know you want to be so much more to them.
You might even be romanticising the whole situation because you think the greater the obstacles – the greater the love. If everything is against us, and we still love each other so much, it must be the real thing, right?
Yes, in Shakespeare plays. Not in real life.
The greater the obstacle – that usually means if you surmount them, there will be more and greater obstacles ahead. If the family accepts you, it doesn’t mean they will like you and not try to turn you against each other. If the PhD or work takes most of your partner’s time, that means there’s not much time left for you two. If your partner leaves the spouse and picks you – your fairytale romance might still turn into a nightmare if they have to go through a bitter divorce and arguments over finances and children.
Problems and obstacles usually mean you’re really NOT meant to be together, rather than the opposite. You’re not meant to fight for love. The right person will have the right life situation and will readily welcome you in. They will put you in the first place. And make an effort to keep you there.
And if the problems are all on your (ex) partner’s side, and none on yours – you are willing, ready and available, that means only one thing: they are the one with a problem, not you. Don’t offer to fix it for them. They’ll never accept it any way.
They’ll come up with an excuse after excuse why it can’t be done, because – guess what, they really don’t want to be with you. Even if you had a magic wand and sorted their issues with one stroke, it’s still not sure that’s what they desire.
So leave it be. Say thank you for the great moments and walk away. Sure, there is a chance they might change their mind in the future. But what good is that “maybe” to you right now?
BEEN THERE YOURSELF?
Do you recognise yourself in this situation?
How did you deal with it (or still are)?
Thank you for reading, and commenting!