3 key steps to increasing your chances of meeting new people
One of the biggest obstacles for many singletons is not having enough opportunity to meet new people. If you live in a smaller place or town chances of seeing new faces are limited. If you live in a big city life is often so fast that you’re too busy to go out. There is of course online dating, but that’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
Some people don’t like to go out to bars or clubs. Some have nobody to go out with. Some are introvert and shy and don’t like crowds in general. Some feel there are no places that cater for people their age. Some make an effort but often get discouraged to go out because ‘nothing ever happens’. They never meet anyone they’d like to date – and as a result start thinking people they would like to meet don’t move in their social circles – or don’t exist at all.
This is a great paradox of our times – with 7+ billion people on the planet, most of us living in big enough, even crowded cities – how can we still feel that we don’t have enough choice? Even the statistics show that numbers of single people are constantly growing. There is more and more singles in every age group.
So where are all of them hiding? Why do so many of us, despite the numbers, feel there is not much opportunity to meet potential partners? And how can we change that?
One thing that most people don’t realise is – your view there is nobody out there is highly subjective. It’s based on your experience and your experience is a result of your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions.
We are also very much influenced by the idea that as you grow older it gets harder and harder to meet partners. Media and public opinion is full of statistics, research and articles that support this view. So you are at a disadvantage from the start, since everybody is trying to convince you there isn’t much chance you’ll find someone.
This view is again result of our collective experience – more people have difficulty finding partners after the age of 30 or so, so we collectively conclude it’s harder to find partners as you get older. Also, more people are in relationships or married after 30, and the pool of singles is shrinking.
This is all very true, but – if we go back to statistics, there is still plenty of singles to choose from. The reason you can’t find them easily is a combination of your belief it’s hard to find them, and lack of focused activity in searching for them.
Your belief which is formed by your previous experience (couldn’t find anyone for years) and prevalent public view (it’s harder and harder as you get older) will create a situation where you simply won’t meet suitable people. Even if you go out a lot and try meeting new people in various ways, you will not find anyone you like.
On the other hand, if you don’t seek opportunities to meet new people and just hope someone will accidentally land on your doorstep, you will pretty much meet nobody. Same goes for frequenting the same social circles where you know everyone and/or most people are in couples – it will be very hard to meet someone new unless your social circle is very wide and dynamic. And most people’s are not.
Things will get even worse if you have low self confidence and low opinion of yourself, or fear of closeness and connection. Often those beliefs and fears are reinforced by our experience, so we tend to lose even more confidence and get more scared the longer we stay single.
This can become a vicious circle which makes many people give up on love completely. You conclude you’re better off staying on your own, than trying and failing again and again. Deep down you still long to find someone – the desire for connection never truly goes away, but you find a way to cut off those feelings because they cause so much pain and misery.
I believe no person should ever give up on their search for love. It’s in a way a search for happiness, for completeness, for fulfillment. To create true connection with another human being we first need to create this connection with ourselves. But if we give up on love with another, for most of us that means giving up on love with ourselves too.
The challenges we face when we have to go out and connect with another human being, risk getting hurt and rejected, are the same challenges that ultimately bring us to self-love and happiness. If we keep trying, we will surely succeed in finding love. If we give up – the chances are very slim.
So what can you do to create to make your search shorter and easier? I think these steps are key and will definitely bring you success if you master them:
1 – SCARCITY THINKING HAS TO GO
Stop thinking it is hard. Stop thinking it is rare. The scarcity in your mind is creating scarcity in your experience. Trust me on this, try it even though you don’t see it yet, and observe the new experience. You will meet many more people if you believe you can and it’s easy. You will also meet many more single people if you stop believing everyone your age is taken. And you will start meeting many more people you find attractive if you believe there are plenty of those out there. They are, but you are not meeting them because you don’t believe they exist.
2 – TRUST YOU DESERVE IT AND CAN DO IT
Stop thinking you are unworthy of love because you couldn’t find a partner so far. Stop thinking there is something wrong with you or your personality. And stop defining yourself by your previous experience. You are not what happened to you in the past. You are not incapable of finding a partner just because you couldn’t find one before. This can change today. And it will change much faster if you don’t project your past into your present and future. Start today with a blank page and don’t look back expecting the same outcome.
3 – TAKE ACTION
Changing beliefs is key to changing your experience, but action is important too. Without it, we can’t expect fast results. So please revise your activity. Are you going out enough? Are you finding ways to meet new people offline or online? Are you putting effort in it? Are you going to places where people with similar interests go? There is no point in going to bars if you dislike drinking and loud music. Better find an activity you love, chances of finding a partner there are much higher.
Sometimes you will need to get out of your comfort zone to create opportunities. Your intention and desire has to show in the material world. Daydreaming and wishing is not enough. If you’re already very active, and it’s not bringing results – then go back to step one and two.
If you follow these steps, you will be in a relationship in no time. It can take months or a year, but it will rarely be longer.
If you are unsure what your issue is, or you feel you can’t put the above in practice on your own – contact me, I can help.
LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS
Which of the three steps do you have most difficulty with?
Do you hold any scarcity beliefs? – Which ones? Where do they come from: your experience, your environment…?
Please share in the comments below. Thank you.