I feel like giving up on dating and love
One of the biggest challenges in my work is finding a way to convince people they can be happy in love without giving them false hope. There is no magic pill to make it happen over night, especially if you’ve had very little success so far. Which is the reality for most people who came to me for help.
If you’ve been single for years – 5, 10, 20 or even longer there must be a deep rooted reason for this and nothing I say or do will make it go away in a matter of days or weeks.
I can’t and don’t offer quick fixes and promises because I want you to sort your love issues at their core, and once and for all. And that requires time and effort. And usually a complete reshuffle of your beliefs, thoughts and emotions. We need to look beyond the surface (what is happening) to find the root of the problem (what is causing it to happen).
From my experience most issues come from lack of self-love and confidence that you are worthy of love just as you are. Growing that confidence back takes time, but it is the only right way that will create that magic of true love you are craving for. So in order to make things happen, you have to be determined, patient, and prepared to work. Because it will be a true ‘labour of love’!
Most of you who reach out to me are already at the brink of giving up on dating altogether. You’ve been rejected, heartbroken or disappointed multiple times, acutely lonely and unable to find any satisfaction in your dating and relationship experiences. You often tell me you’re ready to give up on love and don’t see the point any more.
But all I can say to that is: if you give up, if you close the door to love – that’s it, bam, you’ve closed it. You will never find what you’re looking for if you stop looking for it. You have to keep going, dating, exploring, learning, adjusting your approach, pushing through and bouncing back after each and every unsuccessful attempt. And yes, I know that is hard and very painful, but that’s the only way to get what you want. Each and every new experience will bring you closer to what you really need, and what you should avoid. Your mistakes will make you a master. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about. I’ve made a lot of them.
Even if you don’t learn first time, if you keep trying it will dawn on you sooner or later. After being treated like a doormat or cruelly rejected for the nth time, you will wake up one day determined to not look for love and approval in the wrong places. You will instead start searching for people who actually can and want to love you. Or even better, you’ll stop asking for love and approval from other people, period. And start loving yourself and your life just as it is.
Which is the fastest possible invitation for someone wonderful to make an appearance and fall madly in love with you.
I know this is hard to hear and digest sometimes. How can it be possible you hold the key to your own happiness in love when you are trying so hard and nothing is working? Well, if you were doing it the right way, you’d have success by now, wouldn’t you. So please trust me on this and just keep trying. That doesn’t necessarily mean lining up more dates or going out like crazy, it usually means changing your approach. If the way you did it so far didn’t work, you have to try another way.
If you still don’t believe me this is the way to go to find love, let me tell you a story.
I was at one time very much like you. Yes, I am happily married today, but that is a result of a 20+ year search for my right match. I’d love to tell you all about it in detail, but I have to be mindful and ‘protect the innocent’ – privacy of other people involved, so I unfortunately can’t be a tell-all here.
But I can tell you that my heart was seriously broken at least 10 times. There were periods when I lost faith I’ll find anyone, and didn’t even bother to go out at all. Before I met my husband I spent more years single than in relationships (since I started dating in my teenage years). I dated guys that treated me without respect, hurt my feelings and made me feel worthless and unattractive. I’ve been on numerous bad dates. Had dozens of mismatches and a very few good matches over the years. And I wasn’t always the nice one either. I hurt some people and broke hearts along the way too.
Oh yes my dearest reader. Love is messy. Life is messy. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill, but you will get there. Just don’t give up, please.
LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS
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