How to be sure someone is into you
Modern dating rules leave us with a lot to wish for. Nothing is as it seems: someone pursues you, then they disappear without a trace and without an apparent reason. You start dating and think you are a couple, only to realise the other person is simultaneously dating more people and thinks you are not yet at the point where you are exclusive. You meet a great guy who takes your number and then never calls. You think the person you asked on a date is attracted to you but then it turns out they only want to be friends.
I can only say I totally sympathise with all of you currently struggling to make sense of all that, and please don’t feel guilty if you can’t. I had my fair share of dating flops and misinterpreted signs and after a string of confusing experiences and a lot of hurt feelings, sometimes on both sides, I decided there is only one rule that is always true: do not, ever, assume.
Because, in today’s dating world, assumption is the mother of all heartache. We people are vulnerable beings – especially when it comes to our need to be loved and appreciated, so to minimise the risk of getting hurt it’s safer to dampen your hopes and expectations until you can be sure that he/she is really into you.
What does that exactly mean? It means you shouldn’t imagine how you’ll move in together on date one, or anything too far into the future. It also means you shouldn’t lose your head for someone until they show you they’re worth it. I know it’s sometimes hard because emotions take over and we can’t command our heart not to fall in love, but – think about this: you are worthy of someone actually making an effort to win your heart. And if they don’t want to make that effort, play with your feelings, and treat you without respect – they are actually not a person that deserves you. And you shouldn’t be falling in love with someone like that in the first place.
Please keep that in mind next time someone leaves you lingering for a call, date, or a meaningful response to why there will be none. People who are careless with others feelings in this initial dating stage will most likely continue to be the same even if you get into a serious relationship. So this is your first warning sign that there is probably more trouble ahead.
But how to be sure that someone actually IS into you? I’d say simply – when he/she is, you will not have to ask that question, because you will know. You will be sure. Whenever you’re in doubt, and things aren’t going smoothly – it’s probably a no. If you’re into the first few dates but they call when they say so, agreeing to seeing each other is easy and straightforward and you both want it – then it’s probably a yes. But you still shouldn’t get your hopes up if you’ve only had two or three dates.
There’s another rule you might want to apply to have more certainty and less heartbreak, especially if you’re a girl: do not rush into sleeping together. This is because there are a lot of boys out there who will be extremely nice and attentive and make all kinds of promises until they get you into bed, only to disappear without a trace after they succeed.
So if you’re looking to determine whether the guy is really into you or just into having sex with you, let him court you longer. If he’s serious about you he’ll stick around, and actually show interest in you as a person, without trying to make you sleep with him as soon as possible. And if he’s only into one thing, he’ll give up if he sees he can’t get it that easily.
To be honest with you – there is no magic formula that works every single time, and your heart still might get broken. But that is the risk of putting yourself out there, letting people close, giving yourself a chance to experience true love. Without it, it would be hard to ever find it.
But if you value yourself, your time and your feelings, and don’t allow people be careless with them, you’ll learn how to stay away from the bad dating choices, and embrace the good ones. And you’ll find the latter much much sooner.
LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS
Did you have a dating experience that taught you to be more careful with choosing your dates?
How did it go?
Please leave your comment below. Thank you.