Are looks really that important?
When it comes to partners’ looks, we all know what we like and dislike. Dark, tall and handsome. Curly red-head or long-shiny-haired blonde. Slim, athletic or curvy. Big blue eyes and full lips. Cliche or not, it’s hard to ignore the power of a visual, and we rarely fall for someone whose appearance we don’t find appealing.
Looks reveal personality too. Sometimes they tell us whether the person takes care of themselves and their health, how much they care about hygiene and tidiness. How much they care about themselves in general. Their clothing, grooming and body shape reveal their habits and perception of themselves.
But what is the significance of looks when it comes to finding the right partner? Is the one we like visually necessarily the right one for us? And can we find a way to accept someone’s not-so-great looks if we really like their personality?
It’s not necessary (and probably not possible either) to completely disregard someone’s appearance, but it’s wise to consider if your criteria are too strict and modify them. If you’re too selective and picky, you could be searching for someone who ticks all of your boxes for a very long time. All the while ignoring the perfectly nice and suitable partners – who just happen to be missing a few, or have a few too many centimeters in certain places.
Take height for example. Women often complain about not being able to find tall enough men. We usually want a man who’s at least a bit taller than us, and that shouldn’t be such a problem, since men are on average taller than the average woman. It makes sense for extremely tall girls to feel a bit restricted, since clearly their choice of taller men is quite narrow, but sometimes I don’t quite get it why girls who are average or petite only want to date men much taller than themselves.
Maybe you want him to still be towering over you when you’re standing next to him in your 15 cm heels, but unless you wear those every day, to be perfectly honest – it’s a “tall” demand. A big difference in height can be even impractical – it’s much easier to hug someone when you can actually put your arms around their neck without standing on your toes, or gaze into their eyes without straining your neck. But even if you don’t care about comfort and less than 20 cm difference in height is still a deal-breaker, think about why you can’t let go of this demand. It will keep a lot of nice men unable to get a chance, and when it comes to looking good as a couple versus feeling good as a couple, which one do you really prefer?
SUPERMODEL (AND A ROCKET SCIENTIST)
Men of course often have unrealistic demands too. We all know the average woman is rarely supermodel-shaped. So if you are a guy who is just looking for that “perfect” body and face, you are restricting yourself to a very small selection. And if on top of that you want a woman to be the full package – someone who can be a true companion and au-pair with you intellectually – then you’re simply setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. Ask yourself: are women only sexy and attractive if they look like they’ve just come off of a magazine cover? We all know how airbrushed those covers are any way, so who knows if those type of women even exist. So, instead of worrying about the perfect shape of her bottom, why not look for a girl whose heart is in perfect shape?
Maybe I’ve picked some extremes here – but I’m sure we could all do with a bit of rewriting and tweaking of our rules of attraction. You don’t need to start picking your partners blindfolded – physical attraction is after all, as its name says, based on the physical, and it’s not an obstacle in itself. But if you notice you often dismiss potential partners because you’re only looking for a certain “type” – maybe you should try to loosen up some of your rules, and – get a bit adventurous – give yourself a chance to get to know someone first before you dismiss them on the basis of their looks.
You might be surprised how often the importance of a certain look fades once you can see right through to their heart. And it’s not just a saying: real beauty of a person is very rarely only skin-deep.
LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS
Physically attractive partners: hard or easy to come by?
What’s more important to you – looks or personality?
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