Do you believe in soul mates?

Soul mates are an intriguing concept. The idea there is only one person in the whole world who’s your perfect love match is both exciting and frightening. It can give you hope if you haven’t found that someone special yet. No wonder it takes time and effort, when you have to locate them amongst billions of other people.

At the same time it can feel totally discouraging. If there’s just ONE person out there for you, what are the chances you’ll meet them? They might live on the opposite side of the world.
Well, even if they are located much closer – say, on the other side of your country – your odds of bumping into each other could still be very tiny.

A recent study in USA showed that approximately two thirds of American adults believe in soul mates: “two people who are destined to be together”. The percentage surely varies in other cultures and countries, but I wouldn’t be surprised it’s similar in most places in Western world – and anywhere else where it’s common for people to pick their life partners based on mutual attraction.

I’m sure most people would rather find that one person they’ll be happy with forever and ever, then have to go through a series of relationship failures. But some other statistics – the ones about divorces – show us it doesn’t always happen so. Often we truly believe we found our soul mate, but change our mind over time. Sometimes we’re sure, but they die. Should we then stay alone for the rest of our life because we’ve used up our only chance for true love?

I’d say it’s more likely there isn’t just one person out there for each of us. Instead, there are a number of people that can be our perfect matches. They will surely have some common features, qualities and values – the ones you or me find attractive. We might even have age-related soul mates. Some people will be our perfect match in our 20s, some other in our 40s or 60s. Our preferences can change significantly over time. As we ourselves change, it’s only logical we’ll be better matched with different people in different stages of our life.

I guess believing or not believing in soul mates is not the biggest issue here. As long as we can all find someone to love it doesn’t really matter if they’re the only one or one of many. But what if that doesn’t happen? There are at least two very common problems related to believing in the idea of a single soul mate – that can keep you single or unable to find a long-term relationship.

One occurs when you think your relationship with your perfect match has to be perfect too. No problems, no issues, no arguing, no bad days – everything is always rosy and you agree on everything. Unfortunately – that doesn’t exist in real life. No matter how good you are together, there will always be ups and downs. The downs can be bigger or smaller – and yes, they are smaller if you two are a truly great match – but they’ll always be there. If you’re not ready to live with this truth, you’ll spend your life searching for your One and each new partner will eventually disappoint you.

The other situation which can make you very miserable happens when you think you let your One slip away. You’ve been together but broke up, they are already with someone else or for some other reason out of your reach (maybe they passed away). You’re convinced they’re the only person for you and you’ll never again be able to find someone who’s that great for you. This is fine, as long as you are prepared to stay single forever – or until this person wants you (again). If not… I am afraid you’ll have to open yourself to the idea there might be someone else out there for you.

Ups, what a horrible thought. 🙂


Do you believe there’s a single soul mate for each one of us? Why? Or – why not?
Would you consider changing your beliefs if that meant you’ll have a better chance of meeting someone special?

Leave your comment below…

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5 Responses

  1. Hey Petra, I don’t believe in ‘the one and only’ but when people meet someone who for them is the one it can be a soulmate situation. My mum and dad had 60 years of marriage and were the best of friends. Dad died last week and my mum was able to cope better because of their friendship and her love for him, she didn’t want him to suffer any more. They had a really great marriage and a lovely partnership and friendship, most importantly they cared for each other deeply and respected each other – they wanted to be happy themselves but more, they wanted to make each other happy. The way they behaved with each other mean that they improved each others daily experience – and I know that mum has lovely memories. I am not sure how she will cope but knowing dad wants her to be happy will help her.

  2. Beautiful story – thank you for sharing. I wish more people were blessed with such a wonderful life partner and a happy love story in their lives. Truly hope your mum will find a way to cope, I’m sure it’s not easy. But that’s life, someone has to leave first… and I am not sure myself whether I’d rather be that one or the person who stays – it sounds equally heartbreaking to lose a precious loved one or leave them in sadness and grief. But as you said, we have to find a way to move on with our lives – for our own sake, and theirs. There’s nothing they’d want more than for us who stay behind to find our peace and happiness again.

  3. beth says:

    I used to believe in the whole soul mate thing until quite recently. It is a nice idea but not real and I wish I had known that years ago instead of wasting time. I do not think there is a such thing to begin with. Everything is just trial and error.

  4. Bhoomi says:

    I believe in soulmate concept but at the same time i have worst experience of heart break when he said he is still not sure. We have been best friends for 5 years and can talk to each other with open heart. But at the end he said he has never thought anything like that. I mean should i wait for him or not. It’s been so stupid, aching and yet i am confused.

    • Petra says:

      If he says he doesn’t see you in a romantic way, believe him. There is no reason to wait for him to change his feelings because you’ve waited for long and it hasn’t happened. You’ll have to let go of the idea he is your “one” because that’s what is keeping you from meeting someone new. As long as you feel he is the only one for you you will not open your heart to others. And believe me there are other guys who are as good or better match for you. Take care.

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