It’s over… but you don’t feel like leaving
What happens when a relationship runs its natural course? You’ve had happy so-in-love times, then you had some OK times, then somehow something started to change, and – before you noticed, you were growing apart.
The sex is becoming rarer, repetitive and uninspired. Your partner suddenly seems less attractive than he used to. Things you once found charming about them are now annoying and boring. Their cute and funny ways are… well, not so funny any more.
The conversations are becoming hard and silences long. Little by little, you got to the point where you have nothing to say to each other any more. Or maybe you do, but it is usually done shouting. Every conversation seems to end in an argument. You try to talk your problems through, again and again – but it does not work, things just go from bad to worse.
Your partner seems more cold and distant each day. You feel hurt and betrayed, misunderstood and unappreciated. They probably feel the same. Each of you retreats in their little resenting shell, and – as time passes, you realise neither of you cares much about the other any more.
So, what now? How long will you stick around?
Many relationships stay in this limbo-state for quite some time – neither of the partners is actively working on making things better, but neither of them is ready and willing to leave either. Maybe you are not 100% sure it’s over. Maybe you know it’s time to leave, but you think it will hurt your partner. Maybe you are still hoping for a miracle to save your relationship and make it full of love again.
Maybe you want to leave, but you can’t imagine your life as a single person. Maybe there is many assets and friends to divide and it just feels too complicated and painful. Maybe there are kids involved and you think separation will damage them more than staying in an unhappy home.
Of course – serious and long relationships are not easy to walk away from. It takes wisdom to know there is truly nothing more left to do, and strength and determination to break all those various life-bonds we’ve created with someone over the years. Even when we are sure – we may still not be ready.
But when we know it’s the end, more times than not, the reasons why we stay are just excuses we tell ourselves because we are resisting change and fearing that our lives will get much worse. We can’t know what happens next – so it somehow feels better to stay in our known messy life than replace it with an unknown, possibly even messier one.
Rarely do we think that the future might be brighter, nicer and full of new possibilities and opportunities to meet someone new, someone who might just suit us a lot better than our current partner. The things we are about to lose seem so much bigger and more important than the distant uncertain gains of building a new life for ourselves, and while that view persists – we probably won’t find the strength to leave.
Whatever you do, don’t just sit and wait. Try talking things through with your partner one more time. Try talking to a professional, alone or together. Seriously weigh your pros and cons to get more clarity. Make some smaller changes that will fill you with joy and happiness, that will fuel your strength to make the big ones. Don’t give up, and don’t give in – because whatever you do, it will bring you closer to the right decision!
LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS
Did you ever find yourself in this situation?
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