I am a love failure

Wouldn’t it be great if dating and relationships came with some sort of how-to manual? Or at least some beginners-level introduction course, which would help us prepare for that first shock of rejection, misunderstanding and disappointment. At a young age when most of us enter the dating world – coming from a relatively benign and non-complex children’s relationship realms of family and friends, the brave new world of dating can be quite a challenge.

As a result – many people are left feeling like complete love failures, especially if they experience a string of bad relationship choices in the first years of their dating life. Sometimes we get our hearts broken so badly it takes us many years to recover – and some even get damaged for life by their first love gone bad. It makes me wonder if there should be subjects in school teaching kids life skills from a very young age – all the things that we naturally assume society and upbringing will take care of, but it somehow doesn’t do a very good job at.

Maybe it is because we just presume that everyone will figure it out as they grow up – but the thing is, the world of relationships and courtship has changed dramatically since the days of our parents, let alone our grandparents. It has changed immensely even from just 10 years ago! And it is changing even more dramatically as we speak – with mobile phones and social media creating communication clutter and confusion rather than getting people easier and closer together, with an increasingly sexualised society and media, and – most importantly – with the gradual dissolving of perceived relationship rules and common courtesy which once required men and women to treat each other with much more respect during the dating process. Or at least prevented them from giving each other false signals and hopes – because in the old times, once you started dating someone, it meant you actually mean it.

Well – I guess there is no use complaining how it was better once upon a time. We need to find a way to cope with today. I think the first thing is for all of you wonderful people out there to understand that dating and failing go hand in hand today, and it is quite more common that you will have more than a few dating flops before you get it right. Not because something is wrong with you – but simply because people do not communicate straightforwardly what they want – more times than not they don’t even know what they want, and if they do – there is a high probability they want something different than you do.

If you have a few relationships behind you that ended up in break-up, even if you feel like you could do more – don’t beat yourself about it. If you could have done something about it when it was happening, you would have. If you had been smarter – you’d do it better. Nobody behaves in a certain way if they know better, we all do our best at a given time with the resources we have.

Being out there, reaching out and looking for a partner is already a worthy achievement in itself. Trying and failing means you are human, and you are getting to know yourself and others – and that is the best path to finding the right person and right relationship for you. You will be smarter and wiser if you tried and failed a few times, then if you never tried or just stayed in a relationship that could not make you happy any more.

So please don’t feel like a failure if you’ve failed – it only means you are pursuing your true happiness, and that is – in relationships, as in life in general – a well worthy pursuit. And it absolutely pays off. Usually, much sooner than we think it will 🙂


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