When love hurts
I believe love is the most beautiful, wonderful, life-enhancing force and giving up on it is like giving up on your search for happiness and beauty of life. Yet, so many people nowadays are saying they don’t believe in love any more. Of course – they mainly refer to romantic love, not love in general sense of the word, but still – it really breaks my heart to hear that!
Judging from the general state of modern-day relationships, seems like true love has become the “holy grail” most of us are searching for, but very few actually find. How did that happen?
I think one of the biggest issues with romantic love today is that we are taught to believe it just “happens”. It’s supposed to be just this random force that overcomes us – and when it does – it (or the person we fall in love with) will remove all our anxiety, loneliness and unhappiness. When we first experience romantic relationships many of us think they will be like Hollywood movies where love equals crazy passion, and everybody who falls in love is destined to be happy together forever. Except, such movies usually end same as children’s fairytales – in a place where serious relationship challenges actually begin. So it’s no wonder we end up disappointed when we start with such great – and so unrealistic – expectations.
We are born with a natural ability to love ourselves and the world around us – just observe any small child and you’ll see how easy it is for them. Unfortunately, this ability usually gets weakened by the very people we expect to strengthen it – our parents and broader families and communities. Very few of us know how to love freely and unconditionally, and even though most parents want best for their children and try very hard to make it happen – they often miserably fail, so their children grow up full of insecurity and self-hatred, rather than self-love.
Most of us start falling in love and having relationships when we are our most insecure, confused, self-un-confident selves, so it’s no wonder our first experiences with love are full of heartbreak, mismatched needs and expectations. We get up and try again – but after a few failed attempts, our hearts are so disillusioned, beaten up, exhausted – they are ready to give up on the search for love. But that won’t solve the problem – the reason we are having trouble with love is not because true love doesn’t exist, or because we are unlucky or not worthy of it.
It’s because we have misplaced our natural love-compass. And to be able to experience great relationships and true connection with other people, we need to first learn back how to love ourselves and be happy with who we are. And as that love for you – inside you – grows back, you’ll begin to attract partners that will love and appreciate you for who you are. Who will be worthy of you feeling the same back. And giving them your bruised and battered heart.
I have been in that same spot too – and finding, or rather – discovering love again – was a process that took me a lot of years. From failed relationships and perpetual heartbreak to a wonderful loving man I am married to now – was a long path of learning to love and appreciate myself and everything I have to give, and everything I deserve to get.
So I dare you: do not give up on love. Because it is right here, inside of you – just waiting to be rediscovered.
LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS
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