No more Mr(s) Wrong, please

Do you sometimes feel your heart has a mind of its own? You fell in love with someone, then after a while realised it’s not really working – but no matter how bad it gets, you can’t stop loving them, and you can’t bring yourself to leave them. Maybe you even knew they will be bad news before you started dating – but somehow you still could not resist becoming mad about them.

Or maybe you just woke up one day and realised you’ve been with the same type of person in your last few relationships, and it’s clearly Mr(s) Wrong – but still, you keep getting attracted to that very same type over and over again.

We can’t always logically explain why we fall for some people, while others leave us so flat and unimpressed – and I think it’s good we can’t. It’s one of the things that makes love and loving so magical and wonderful, the thrill of feeling that amazing connection and passion for someone, and just blissfully enjoying it without any need for explanation.

But when that bliss gets mixed with an equal amount of hurt, it makes us feel like we are a victim of our own love blindness. We lose faith in our ability to find a good partner, sometimes we even lose faith in love completely. We wonder why life is so unfair to us. We start thinking that maybe all the men/women are the same, since we constantly keep getting the same “model”. It can become truly frustrating – but don’t worry, frustration is a good sign – it will motivate you to start digging, and get a step closer to breaking away from the “spell” or at least seeing things more clearly.

Even though we can’t tell our heart who to fall in love with, we can in a way train it to be more wise about its choices. This can work in two ways. The first one is loving and appreciating yourself more. The more happy you are in your own skin, the less likely you’ll be to let others treat you badly. You will spontaneously choose different partners – the ones who will respect your personality and your feelings, as opposed to your usual drama queens, insecure, distant, immature, selfish, wonderful-but-impossible and other “hard work” types. I’ve written about the topic of self-love in more detail in some of my previous posts – namely 5 not-so-easy steps to finding love and Is loving yourself selfish?, so please check them out for more tips on how to get there.

The other way you can go about solving it, is to think about why do you attract a certain type of person. Whatever it is – it is saying something about you. If you keep making similar choices, the issue is not with them, it is with you. If you are picking partners or love interests who undervalue you – it might be because you don’t think you are valuable yourself. If you are always bedazzled by mysterious and emotionally distant partners, maybe you have an issue with closeness too. Or maybe it’s quite the opposite – you believe that the strength of your love will change them and get them to open up. But if it hasn’t worked so far, and you’ve tried it with a few people, you might want to stop and think whether it’s them, or your belief that is the issue.

A lot of times we’ll find we formed some belief about relationships and love a long long time ago, sometimes even in our childhood – and it has been there since, constantly undermining our efforts to find a partner. I’ve listed only a few possible causes and solutions to why we get attracted to Mr(s) Wrong, because it’s impossible to generalise them – every life situation is different. But do think about your own – you might be surprised with the results.


If you feel like sharing your experience or thoughts on this topic – do leave a comment, or send me an email. I am always happy to hear your experiences and feedback!

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