5 not-so-easy steps to finding love

We all like a good shortcut. There is nothing exciting about the fact that you need to spend weeks or months painfully denying yourself nice food while religiously attending boring gym classes, to lose those extra pounds it took so few easy and yummy meals to acquire. But even though our little fat cells are indeed so very tiny we can’t see them without a microscope, and – even better, in their essence – they are just atoms, and what are atoms – sheer empty space! – still, getting rid of all that empty space is never a quick and easy endeavour.

As well as nothing else in life – if you want it to result in a big, significant and long-term change. Even though many people nowadays will tell you that you can lose all that weight, become blissfully happy, get rid of stress, find “the one” or become a millionaire in just a few easy steps – that only take a weekend seminar to master – don’t believe them. If it was that easy everybody would be doing it. And you wouldn’t need people like them to sell you a bag of tricks, as it would all be common knowledge.

Yes, unfortunately – we have to invest time and effort to change ourselves and untangle things in our lives, even when it’s other people who are responsible for messing them up in the first place. Same goes with love and relationships, when things are properly messed up – there are no quick-fixes.

So – here are the 5 not-so-easy steps that are sure to make you find true love the very day you master them. I guarantee you it will happen the same day – even if you choose to lock yourself at home, turn off your phone, disconnect the internet and refuse to answer the doorbell – he or she will find the way to drop down your chimney. Even if you don’t have a chimney.


This will solve all of your problems, forever. There is no bigger magnet for love, success and happiness than a person who is totally happy and content in their own skin. And once you are, there is no way you can make a wrong choice or attract someone who will not adore you for all the right reasons, and vice versa. Having said that, there is no harder thing either. This will probably take most of your life to achieve, but don’t worry – as long as you have a positive trend of self-loving, your relationships can only get better. Occasionally the progress will happen via painful events though – but you will definitely recognise the pattern of each and every next relationship being more fulfilling and enjoyable, and each and every next partner being a significantly better match to you than the previous one. Once you realise how it works – you will never look back and worry about that one precious ex you let go by mistake. That was no mistake, trust me.


This will come as a natural consequence of having met the first condition. If you are not there yet, just remember – there is always, always enough choice. You have the right to choose, and choose your partners well. Don’t let just anybody that close. Don’t waste your time on relationships that do just that – waste your time, drain your energy and make you feel miserable or bored. There will never be shortage of suitable people you can fall in love with, for there is never just one person in the whole world who will be right for you, and no – that person does not live in some remote village of a country you never intend visiting. When you realise this – you will save yourself a lot of complications, and free the time and space in your life to spend it with people you love, doing things you enjoy. And your single periods will feel like a well deserved break and a fun holiday, instead of an undefined-length sentence in a prison of loneliness.


Again easier said than done, despite what all the enlightened people who’ve made it there say. It is extremely hard to fight off the internal need to blend in and belong, as well as exterior influences that tell you others will like you more if you are like them. But you have to be true to yourself if you want to have a chance for real happiness. Expressing your true self is the greatest and most rewarding way to live your life, but you first have to convince yourself that it is OK, and that you are OK, and that if you act in line with your deepest needs and desires, you will not be forsaken by the rest of the human kind. And that is the hard part. Because some people will definitely fall off your life-wagon. But the ones who want you to be you will stay, and that includes the right partner too.


No matter how much you try and engineer your wishlist, or your check-list of desired partner qualities, you’ll never get it right. It will always differ from the ideal person for you, because we are rarely fully aware what is it and who is it who can make us happy. Trust the power of the universe, God, the force, or whatever supreme power you believe in – and desire just one thing: the person who will love you just the way you are, and match you in such a way that you are truly happy together. And be open to possibilities, because it can happen anytime, anywhere. With such a precise, yet completely open “order”, you will get the person so right for you, that you could never possibly describe them in any list, no matter how creative you are. And when you meet them, you’ll be amazed by how neatly they fit you, and how easy it is to love them, and be loved back by them. And yes, all the truly important requirements from your list will be there, for sure.


Oh how many times have people told you: “Just relax, and everything will be fine!” – probably enough to make you really annoyed the next time you hear it. It sounds so easy – just do it, let go of self-created, irrational pressure – but it never is. Once you manage it, though – you will see that making the most of your life while being single is the best you can do to attract the right partner as fast as you want it. In order to speed up the process, first you have to stop obsessing about the fact you are single while “everyone else” is with someone, and stop worrying whether you’ll ever find someone, or when will you finally find them.

Easy, right?

Not really. But it works! Think about it and make the first step. It will take some time and effort, but in the end – it is going to land you in a place where you will have a great partner when you want it, and be happily single when you don’t – and you won’t be fussing about either, because you’ll always be right there where you want to be.


I’d love to hear your own ideas on what it takes to find love!
Please share in the comments below – thank you.

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5 Responses

  1. rebecca2000 says:

    Great advice!


  2. Ms Jones says:

    This is very good advice Petra. I have always tried to be myself (that’s who I am!) and it is not comfortable to be with a man that does not fully accept me or appreciate me. And I really have been “trying” to meet new men, but if they are really not a match, it is impossible and ridiculous to fake it. Thought I had the right one last time around but I was wrong. My confidence was somewhat shaken, but I still believe my intuition will lead the right person to me.
    I have a credo when it comes to relationships. I am the Queen, he is the King. It’s a mutual respect and admiration society. If 2 people do not feel this way toward one another, I do not think it is healthy to carry on a charade.

    Hoping he will turn up sooner than later, but not going to stress myself out over being single for so long. I was alone about 5 years before I met my ex. Then it was just happening, like that! Too bad he did not feel the same in the end which came as a shock to me. As I mentioned he had some bad habits and this was something I did not know about initially, thought it would get better, but it did not. I think this was a contributing factor.

    Better luck next time!

    Ms Jones

  1. 7 February, 2013

    […] game, but I will try to share with you a strategy I believe can help. As I’ve mentioned in my previous post – the right choices will come to you more easily when you love and respect yourself fully […]

  2. 25 February, 2013

    […] written about the topic of self-love in more detail in some of my previous posts – namely 5 not-so-easy steps to finding love and Is loving yourself selfish?, so please check them out for more tips on how to get […]

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