How our beliefs shape our reality

What are beliefs? They are ideas and concepts in our minds which we hold true. They are not reality itself, but our thoughts about reality – and they are more powerful than we normally think. When we hold to a belief very strongly, it has an effect on our life by greatly influencing what we experience.

Let’s say, for example – that I believe the world is a hostile place and most people just want to take advantage of me. That is a belief I’ve formed based on my previous experience. But it is also shaping what my future experience will be like. I will focus more on events which confirm it – so it will look like they prevail, but not only that – I will actually have more such experiences than someone who holds a different belief.

The biggest issue with this is that once we acquire a certain belief, it is very hard to change it – because the reality keeps strengthening it, and we can’t let go of it – as seemingly, it holds true. But if you try observing other people and their lives, you will notice they have totally different beliefs about the same topic, which are again there because their experience tells them so. And it must be that their experience is clearly different from yours, since they keep holding to their belief too. So who is right?

Everyone for himself – we see the same world, but each of us through a different lens. Some see more of the good stuff, some more of the bad stuff. That doesn’t change the ratio between good and bad, but it changes how much good or bad comes your way. That is why, if you want to change your life, you actually have to start changing your beliefs. I know it sounds harsh – and it is hard to accept – that we create our own mess in life, but – the good news is – this means we can tidy it up ourselves too! We are the ones in control, and we can change our reality by changing our thoughts and feelings about it.

When it comes to relationships and love, there are a number of common beliefs that people hold, which greatly influence their love misfortune. Here are some of those:

“I am too old to find love/a partner.” (I honestly have never seen any proof that love is off limits for people over a certain age.)

“Everyone is already taken.” (Everyone is a big word. Does the national statistic say that?)

“All men are the same. They are childish and irresponsible.” (I am sure you know at least one, most likely more than a few men who are not like that.)

“There is not enough choice.” (How many partners would you like to have? I think one is more than enough – for me at least.)

“I am too demanding and complicated. Nobody can stand that for long.” (This is totally subjective – and rarely true. And can be changed, if you really think you are so much too much.)

“I missed the boat – I will probably stay single forever.” (Forever is a long long time! Do you honestly think you will not meet anyone in the next few decades?)

There are many more examples of these type of beliefs for which we have absolutely no proof – they are based merely on our impression of what the world around us looks like. Nevertheless we hold on to them like they are universal law. But the truth is, they are just a story. Like all stories – it can be rewritten. And you are never to old to rewrite your own story and give it a happy ending.


Have you ever noticed you have beliefs that are limiting you in your choices and views?
Did you change any beliefs and noticed the change in your experience?

Join the conversation in the comments section.

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5 Responses

  1. Great points for emphasizing how beliefs reshape reality. Geographically, you might live in a town that might be too small. You might know everyone there. The catalyst for not dating someone in a small town is solely on reputation. Whether that is personal reputation of yourself or a family reputation as a whole, there is a lot of baggage in that small community. Now, if you moved somewhere in the suburban or urban lifestyle, you will have a greater chance of finding someone. Unless of course, the town or state itself might have an equal community of the same ignorance, for example a masshole from Massachusetts.

    People should start to reshape their own beliefs before their beliefs reshape them. Thanks for sharing.

    • Thanks for your comment. I lived in a very small place when I met my husband. He did not live there at all, but came for a day visit. From another continent 🙂 It was one of those events which proves anything is possible if you’re open to possibilites!

      • Oh, wow! That’s an amazing story. I’m actually the product of a Connecticut man and a woman born in London but came over to Florida. They met in a bar during spring break. haha I understand exactly how the possibilities are endless.

  2. Unknown Guest says:

    I got epilepsy by accident hurting my chin when I was a child, I believe in love and I am trying to understand my boyfriend’s feelings.I love health problems are not told because If I tell truth then he would be in tears.

    I need help

    It is an interesting story needs more understanding.

    I need help please

    • Petra says:

      Sure, I can help you but please send me a consultation inquiry – we’ll schedule a time to talk. Just send an email via Coaching or Contact page.

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